Here’s What Beyonce Does With Coach Handbags, According To Fan Fiction
It is a known fact that Beyonce can do no wrong in her Beyhive’s eyes – yes, even those bangs are being praised by her die-hards. But one Twitter user has taken the supreme power of Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter to a hilarious level. In the form of hyperbolic fan fiction, @BEYONCEFANFIC hails the Queen Bey with 140-character tidbits on her “everyday life.” Because, well, she’s Beyonce. Here’s what we have learned: Even Mrs. Carter makes efforts to stay eco-friendly:
Beyoncé makes an effort to eliminate plastic bags from her life and requests that her staff only line garbage bins with Coach handbags.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) October 16, 2014
Queen Bey is above injuries of all kinds.
Beyoncé takes a nasty fall down her spiral staircase and chips a tooth. She calmly yanks it out and an even whiter replacement grows back.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) September 25, 2014
Beyonce is unforgiving to insubordinate elements.
Beyoncé fires the gentle wind that follows her around after it blows a grain of sand in her eye. "Good help is so hard to find," she sighs.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) October 7, 2014
Jay-Z introduces Beyoncé to Grand Theft Auto V. Within an hour, all of the characters have left their lives of crime and formed a charity.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) October 2, 2014
Beyonce’s stance on toilet paper: “For what?”
Beyoncé notes a lack of toilet paper in the restroom stall and laughs at the thought of how inconvenient bowel movements must be for humans.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) September 7, 2014
Beyoncé's car won't start. She flips the hood of her Jaguar and autographs the car's battery. Her name's power brings the car back to life.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) September 15, 2014
Beyonce had in iPhone 6 Plus. She just didn’t need it.
Beyoncé receives an iPhone 6 Plus in the mail as a gift from Apple. She uses it to upload a single selfie to Instagram, then throws it away.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) September 9, 2014
Beyonce can do all things through… Beyonce, who strengthens herself.
Beyoncé feels a pang of guilt each time she says that she "can't even," knowing in her heart that there is nothing she can not do.
— BEYONCE FANFICTION (@BEYONCEFANFIC) October 9, 2014