GIF Wrap: Eminem's CXVPHER Lyrics Reviewed Via GIFs
Marshall Matthers is scary nice. But you knew this. Still, the quintessential master of ceremonies has to remind you every now and then. He won’t dumb down for his audience, so you’ll just have to keep up. To ease the process, VIBE transcribed his verse from the 19-minute Shady CXVPHER that smacked the entire rap Internet in the forehead yesterday (Nov. 10). Throw some sort of harness on yourself. This is one of the wildest lyrical rides you’ll take.
Lyrics: [My name is Marshall. I’m repping that motherfuckin' Motor City, bitch.] I just turned Slaughterhouse to a quintet Began to trend-set, murder the friend’s pet Made shit as ill as it can get When in depth like a fucking vignette and two bars skin wet I’m already covered in sweat And, I wasn’t even ready to come in yet. Ahh... Let me set this drink down, beat up a gal Start beef with a pal Probably be wild until I’m wrinkled and senile And "Rap God" was a freestyle off the top domepiece while I was asleep on the couch And, I’m freestyling now I need a towel Sweat leaks from my brow It’s burning my eyes My cerebral is foul Cause shit that I’m thinking about should be illegal I need my head banned like the guy who left Cleveland, Ohio And went to South Beach with his talents. Scream "fuck you" on the way out and wink with a smile This whole game can eat a dick, I’m going back deep underground But right now back on that bullshit and you I’m singling out ‘Cause you so fucking outdated you should mingle a while. What the fuck is this clusterfuck of a busters And a bunch of Buster Douglass’ Motherfuckers is one hit wonders one swing and you’re crowned Knocked one out of the park and you jiggling now And, you think you fucking with me ‘cause you sold like three-hundred thou Bitch, I can jump without my feet ever leaving the ground Reach up and swing from the clouds with three thousand people around. Evil and vile enough to leap in the crowd And, leave a child in a sink hole in Cinco De Mayo when I sprinkled in pico de gallo Mardi Gras beads and a towel [I just made that up] I don’t know much Spanish I’m not bilingual But I'll show you a Mexican standoff between just these two Amigos ‘Cause neither wants to really say what they’re thinking aloud. But, I sure as fuck know how to read body English, no doubt Cause we’re trying to kill each other, buy lyrically Fuck is humility? What the fuck is a real MC, Royce? He came up in this shit with me Never spit that hustler shit I wasn’t fit for me let them adjust until they get the gist of me And, just not giving a fuck with hater of hustler of muscular dystrophy It wasn’t a mystery why this middle finger was stuck in the upward positioning So, what in the fuck is a list to me? I’m used to not being on it. I expect it out’em. Heck, man, I get my respect without them And I never really been into diamonds since I put my first record out But, I could put a chain around my second album and wear it as a neck medallion Became a millionaire, went downhill from there. Became civil, office swivel chair, sterling silverware Screaming life is still unfair til I get a real career The fuck am I gonna do until then? This job is too fulfilling Two gazillion pairs of super villain shoes to fill in And, the mood to kill till I plow my Coupe DeVille Into some children at the Food Pavilion and Build-A-Bear Warrior’s mind, I’m Pro hydrchlorian on euphoria In the drug emporium line, I’m soaring I’m pouring Vicodin four at the time ignoring the warning signs Full on until I go four-wheeler driving Going violent and whore firing You surely won’t find one more important than I am With this vitalio rhyming for Gloria Stynum But, I finger her like a witness, show me a line-up I usually am abusive, but excuse me, ma’am I guess I must’ve threw you for a loop like Toucan Sam When I said I could use the sample cause you’se a tramp But look how you react to this trigger Like when I call you a bigger dyke than the Hoover Dam You playing right into Lex Luthor’s hand It’s such a ruthless plan, might even lose a fan But, fuck it, Superman wouldn’t change in a phone booth for Stan I’m a brand new being like Grand Puba’s band Happy as Anderson Cooper having a tuba crammed in his pooper with lubricant Wait, that’s too, I can’t, since honesty is the best policy I’ll give you the college try Try to acknowledge my mistakes, probably won’t qualify As a gentlemen and a scholar, but, its time that I swallow pride And say that I’m sorry, sorry I can’t apologize I think of all the times I compromised my bottom lines And thought of rhymes that sodomized your daughters minds Then I’m like dollar signs But, I may fight for gay rights especially if they dyke It’s more of a knockout than Janay Rice Play nice, bitch, I punch Lana Del Rey right in the face twice like Ray Rice in broad daylight In plain sight of the elevator surveillance 'Til her head is banged on railing Then celebrate with the Ravens Never date an assailant who self-medicates with inhalants I mediate, but I may need a better way to escape The aggression, rage and the anger Cause leg restraints on the ankles Heavyweights on the ankle with handcuffs in chains This ain’t enough to contain it But I still get the same respect as Jay if I came on stage in a fucking negligee everyday in Liz Clairborne Devastated from breakup with Kate Hudson Wait, slut your friends, what are they gonna say? Cause make-up ain’t gonna cover that eye that’s seven-eights of the way shut Pepper-sprayed with your face cut Made my bank like a layup Eff these effing skanks on the way up Oh, bitch thinks she’s Heaven sent It’s evident that she ain’t never been with seven inches Yes, I said seven, I measured it Seven inches from the floor While standing on the fourth-floor balcony At the Sheraton when I’m stretching it Bitch, I’m a pimp so a limp dick is all you’ll ever get So, if she’s she’s hesitant to get the hint I’ll bet you that I get the message sent who she’s messing with Eloquent when I tell a chick not never use sex as a weapon When I step in and beat the wretched wench with a crescent wrench Existential detriments to a lesbian devil In the presence stench of an estrogen level That separatists like a Etestian rebel And pacifist with a pencil A pessimist, with lips pressed against the edge of this Red Bull Pedal to the medal, I’m rippin’ this shit cause right away I’ll give it to a bitch like a pedestrian, deadly as ever You see what kind of effects she has on the opposite sex when I push her flexible little sexy ass through a plate of plexiglass Shady XV as perplexing as the last 15 years when I predicted my next relapse When I spit these lyrics do so don’t look at me weird When I start shifting gears and shit be smeared all over Britney Spears And these little Disney queers Who use chicks for beards? [Just made that up too.] Oh and it's Shady 2.0 We wrote in roman numerals like they do for the Super Bowls Cause it’s supposed to confuse you hoes The flows lose you as usual, so juvenile Two year old when I go to the studio It’s only music but don’t be foolish though You don’t know me through it ho, but you can blow me to it though In my homie’s Buick Been known to lose it though so if I overdo it you drove me to it When I step in the vocal booth like I’m supposed to do And, murder you on a fuckin’ track like Tony Stewart in one take If I fuck up and I don’t redo it You couldn't sound grown on a beat if you were moaning to it The day I don’t say fuck you all, you can throw me through it Rootin’ this, tootin’ this, shootin’ this from the hip (.24-.27) With the women, I’m an enemy to them And, the epitome of an inconsiderate idiot But, they consider me equivalent to chlamydia They tryna get rid of me, gadzooks But, I stiggity stand for the figgity flag Of the United States and the freedom, I distribute these through And if I catch you doing anything Hindering or prohibiting that after I give me that Tattoo of you lips on my ass I’mma be literally pickin’ up and deliberately rippin’ the Statue of Liberty at you, WOOOOOH! [Fuck it. Got it somewhere in there probably.] [::Hawks a loogie::]