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'Single Man Married Man' Offers Women Dating Advice But Also Schools Men On Love

It's Valentine's Day and you're single...again, and this year you're tired of it. You've done everything you can to change your relationship status--gone to bars, tried online dating, attended concerts, showed up at your friend's game nights--and nothing's worked.

Not to worry. The co-authors of Single Man Married Man put their brains together to offer a comprehensive dating guide for anyone looking to win in love. Written from a male perspective for women by New York based authors, Jean Alerte, Jickael Bazin, Frank Gateau, Rae Holiday, Kel Spencer, Zanga Thomson, DJ Fadelf and life coach Pervis Taylor III, the book schools both genders with no chaser on how to achieve what they all agree both men and women want: love and companionship.

VIBE chopped it up with Kel Spencer about foolish relationship rules his book steers clear from, why some men cheat, the true definition of love and why women might want to actually grab a copy of this book.

This Valentine's Day maybe a bust, but they way Mr. Spencer puts it, if you purchase the book now you can get a head start on Valentine's Day 2016.

VIBE: Single Man Married Man is about dating and relationship advice. Why take on a subject already so heavily populated?

Kel Spencer: I think relationship advice is heavily populated, but relationship advice that can actually help I think is rare. There are a lot of cliches, blanket pieces of advice and misguided opinions out there. So if you look at the genre of relationship advice, there’s a whole lot of it, just like there’s a whole lot of restaurants, but if you want what’s really good for you, the truly organic stuff, you’re not going to find that too many places.

VIBE: So what are some of the cliche relationship tips you've heard that isn't in the book?

KS: I’ve seen a few different books talk about waiting a certain amount of time to have sex to see if the person is serious about you, and that certain amount of time falling short of marriage.

VIBE: And this is wrong because...

KS: Because if I’m the old me and I’m dealing with six, seven or eight women, I don’t mind waiting for you for a couple of months, because I might have waited for all of these women too! If I have a eight women rotation, I don’t mind waiting a month if that’s what it’s going to take for you to think I’m “serious” about you.

VIBE: So you’re saying time has nothing to do with determining whether a guy is serious. You can have sex with a guy whenever and if he’s not serious he’s just not serious.

KS: Exactly! You can have sex with a guy on the first date and marry him, or you can wait five months testing how serious he is and he was just holding out waiting and right after its done, you never hear from him again.

VIBE: You touched on it a bit, but there’s so many places women can receive dating advice, why should women read this specific book, especially when one of the authors is divorced?

KS: Actually, two of the authors are divorced, one of them is remarried and that’s all the more reason women should listen. This is as close as women are going to get to three married men and five single men in a barber shop talking about relationships like it’s just us eight on the planet. One dude is now remarried, he has some experiences. I was out there having fun, but now I’m in love with my wife, I have some experiences. One guy was out on a date with a women he wasn't too interested in when another woman walked by and he ended up marrying her. One guy isn’t thinking about marriage right now. One guy messed up his marriage by making foolish career choices and he knows it, and wants to get married again. One guy is holistic in his eating habits and views dating from a organic perspective, so women get all those perspectives.

VIBE: So this particular book runs the gamut for men in different places in their life.

KS: Correct! We also all don’t agree with each other as well. We’ve done panels and my co-authors might say something and then when I got the mic I’ve said ‘he’s buggin. I don't agree.'

VIBE: Is there dating advice in this book men can take from it?

KS: Absolutely. Chapter two is titled ‘Are You Ready for His Love’ and I get into the proper definition of love. Many people think love is an emotion, it’s a feeling. There are feelings and emotions attached to love, but love in itself is a choice. Like, I can’t tell you to feel embarrassed right now or to feel hungry.

VIBE: [LAUGHS] Right!

KS: So love is a choice and it’s a commitment to that choice, so even when they’re times I don’t feel like I love you, I still love you and in the chapter I set the tone by explaining love. When you claim you want love from a “good guy” and he has a proper understanding of what love is, you have to ask yourself are you really ready for that? So while I’m speaking to women, I’m indirectly telling guys they also have to understand what love really means.

VIBE: I’m not sure which one of the authors said this, but it was something to the effect of a man can sleep like a baby after cheating, but won’t switch barbers. Please explain that logic because...

KS: There’s rarely any commitment or emotional attachment when a man cheats. There’s a certain accomplishment that comes with accumulating a new woman. So a guy who cheats will say 'I saw her across the room. I imagined what she’d be like in bed. I got her number. Finessed it and knocked it out. I want to do that with another woman now.' The problem is, once you get into a relationship you can’t have that feeling anymore. If you’re a guy who needs that in his life, you don’t have the proper level of self-control and you’re going to cheat. Not that there’s anything wrong with your woman. You as a man need that constant win. That’s what it's all rooted in, so when a man who cheats get's that win, they can go to sleep like a baby because in his mind he didn’t do anything against his woman, he just did something to fulfill his own little thing. Now, guys like me will say you absolutely did something against your woman, but until you get caught and you see her crying and throwing your clothes out the window. Then you realize ‘I really did hurt her.' My barber! That’s attached to my image. I'm connected to that guy.

VIBE: When you explain it, it kind of makes sense but it’s not comforting at all.

KS: The truth is not always comforting. That’s just what it is. And what makes its worse is that feeling of accomplishment, that badge of honor, that feeling of a new woman is celebrated an applauded, and then you have media who also applauds that behavior, it doesn’t help. Most guys, if they’re boy is cheating they turn a blind eye

VIBE: Glamour did a story on Single Man Married Man with the headline “Is This The Most Sexist Dating Advice Ever.” Do you think some of the advice in the book can be perceived as sexist? Especially since one of your co-authors said Destiny’s Child’s ‘Cater 2 U’ should be on a woman’s playlist?

KS: Absolutely! If you look at only half of those things, but you should only be catering to a guy who’s reciprocating those actions. And if he’s you’re man we’re assuming you deemed him as worthy. What we’re not saying or encouraging is for women to be serial submissives.

VIBE: One of the authors said men and women want the same things but communicate them in different ways. How can this book help men and women achieve what they want?

KS: We spoke from a male perspective, but in a very practical, useful way, so for women if you’re reading this, it’s almost like this is a “when he says this, this is what he means” thing. We’re telling women off the record what we like, what we go through, what we’re thinking. If you’re willing to take it in, you’re pretty much signing up to speak our language.

To purchase your copy of Single Man Married Man, CLICK HERE

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Nas Says 'Illmatic's Legacy Has “Started To Take On A Life Of Its Own"

Nas’ discography of studio albums has reached double-digits since the release of Nasir in 2018 but given this span, his fans and hip-hop aficionados continue to herald the impact of his debut album Illmatic. Celebrating 25 years this year, the “Cherry Wine” rapper raised a glass in commemoration of this milestone by previously hosting a Symphony Orchestra performance and receiving accolades along the way.

However, during an interview with Haute Living, the Queens native said although he’s grateful for the love of his platinum-selling project, “it has started to take on a life of its own.” The 46-year-old continued to state his claim by noting that the rest of his discography is worthy of recognition and that this year has been a good run for Illmatic.

"Twenty-five years is a lifetime. So I did another Symphony Orchestra show for Illmatic this year; I got another plaque for it. I’m very grateful—it’s so crazy—but to celebrate one album when I’ve made over 10, all the things I’ve worked on—and I’ve been working for so long—to celebrate one album over all else is corny to me," he said. "I don’t want to celebrate another Illmatic anything. I’m done. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for appreciating that record, but it’s over.”

While music will always remain a passion—Nas mentioned a third and fourth installment of his The Lost Tapes series—the entertainer might take his talents to other areas of creativity and entrepreneurship. “Maybe [I’ll open] a new level bookstore, maybe [I’ll do] Broadway,” he said. “I do three things at a time; that’s how I live. The next three things I do, I hope they’re more exciting than anything that I’ve ever done.”

Illmatic remains one of music's most vivid and poetic albums, hosting quintessential East Coast rap melodies from DJ Premier, Large Professor, Q-Tip, Pete Rock, Faith N., and L.E.S. The sole feature goes to fellow The Firm member AZ.

In an interview with Red Bull, Nas discussed the real-life situations Illmatic hosts within its tracks which aids in its truth of standing the test of time. "There’s a lot of historical value in there. Back then there was a killing of a guy named [Jose “Kiko”] Garcia in Washington Heights by the police that I mention in my lyrics. I talk about the Supreme Team, a drug gang in Queens, and their leader named Supreme, who is now locked up," he said. "I talk about Ron G who was a Harlem mixtape DJ who was really popular at the time. It was kind of the first time you’d hear street conversation by someone who knew these guys personally at the time."

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Halle Berry Is #TeamZoeKravitz As Catwoman For Upcoming 'Batman' Film

Earlier this month, it was announced that actress/musician Zoe Kravitz would step into the sleuthing role of Catwoman for Matt Reeves’ The Batman. Joining in on the chorus of people that are elated to see Kravitz in this role is fellow Catwoman Halle Berry.

The Oscar Award-winning actress took to Twitter to congratulate Kravitz on her new job, writing “Keep shining queen and welcome to the family!” Kravitz will star opposite Twilight’s Robert Pattinson who’ll play the Dark Knight.

Special shout-out to your new #CatWoman, the eternally graceful & extremely bad ass @ZoeKravitz. Keep shining Queen & welcome to the family! ♥️✨ pic.twitter.com/9YJ2EekcNG

— Halle Berry (@halleberry) October 17, 2019

In 2004, Berry starred as Catwoman in the film of the same name. Directed by Pitof, the movie also starred Alex Borstein, Benjamin Bratt, Frances Conroy, and Sharon Stone. Although the movie wasn't a box office success, Berry said it opened up a world of opportunities in Hollywood.

"Everybody around me said, 'Girl, don't do it. It's going to be the death of you. It's going to end your career.' But guess what I did? I followed my intuition and I did a movie called Catwoman and it bombed miserably," Berry said at 2004's Matrix Awards, per Glamour. "While it failed to most people, it wasn't a failure for me because I met so many interesting people that I wouldn't have met otherwise, I learned two forms of martial arts and I learned not what to do."

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Issa Rae Launches Her Own Record Label

Issa Rae has a lot of projects in the works, and she’s making room for another big venture. On Thursday (Oct. 18), the Insecure star announced the launch of her new record label, Raedio, along with introducing the world to TeaMarr, the imprint’s first artist.

“Beyond excited to present the first amazingly talented artist from my new label RAEDIO,” the Emmy winner captioned a clip of TeaMarrr’s music video where she makes a cameo.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Beyond excited to present the first amazingly talented artist from my new label RAEDIO, TeaMarrr (@imaliltcup)! Check out her song and video, "Kinda Love" on all streaming platforms now! (@theraedio)

A post shared by Issa Rae (@issarae) on Oct 18, 2019 at 8:06am PDT

The record label is a partnership with Atlantic Records, according to Variety. Rae’s label will also be responsible for supervising the music on A Black Lady Sketch Show, which she executive produces.

“Music has always been an essential part of every project I do and working with emerging talent is a personal passion,” Rae said in a statement. “Raedio allows me to continue that work within the music industry and audio entertainment space. The Atlantic team are innovators in terms of shifting and shaping culture. I’m excited to join forces with them to discover new artists.”

Raedio is technically her first foray into the recording industry, but music has always been a “central character” in Insecure, Atlantic Chairman & COO Julie Greenwald noted.

“Issa Rae is a next-level, future-thinking creative force who’s been breaking down cultural barriers and conquering one field after another,” said Greenwald. “She’s made music a central character in her artistic evolution, and now she’s brought all that amazing passion, inspiration, and taste to the formation of Raedio. We’re thrilled to be partnering with Issa and her team on this exciting new venture, and TeaMarrr is the perfect artist to launch with.”

Wath TeaMarrr's  “Kinda Love” music video below.

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