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'Single Man Married Man' Offers Women Dating Advice But Also Schools Men On Love

It's Valentine's Day and you're single...again, and this year you're tired of it. You've done everything you can to change your relationship status--gone to bars, tried online dating, attended concerts, showed up at your friend's game nights--and nothing's worked.

Not to worry. The co-authors of Single Man Married Man put their brains together to offer a comprehensive dating guide for anyone looking to win in love. Written from a male perspective for women by New York based authors, Jean Alerte, Jickael Bazin, Frank Gateau, Rae Holiday, Kel Spencer, Zanga Thomson, DJ Fadelf and life coach Pervis Taylor III, the book schools both genders with no chaser on how to achieve what they all agree both men and women want: love and companionship.

VIBE chopped it up with Kel Spencer about foolish relationship rules his book steers clear from, why some men cheat, the true definition of love and why women might want to actually grab a copy of this book.

This Valentine's Day maybe a bust, but they way Mr. Spencer puts it, if you purchase the book now you can get a head start on Valentine's Day 2016.

VIBE: Single Man Married Man is about dating and relationship advice. Why take on a subject already so heavily populated?

Kel Spencer: I think relationship advice is heavily populated, but relationship advice that can actually help I think is rare. There are a lot of cliches, blanket pieces of advice and misguided opinions out there. So if you look at the genre of relationship advice, there’s a whole lot of it, just like there’s a whole lot of restaurants, but if you want what’s really good for you, the truly organic stuff, you’re not going to find that too many places.

VIBE: So what are some of the cliche relationship tips you've heard that isn't in the book?

KS: I’ve seen a few different books talk about waiting a certain amount of time to have sex to see if the person is serious about you, and that certain amount of time falling short of marriage.

VIBE: And this is wrong because...

KS: Because if I’m the old me and I’m dealing with six, seven or eight women, I don’t mind waiting for you for a couple of months, because I might have waited for all of these women too! If I have a eight women rotation, I don’t mind waiting a month if that’s what it’s going to take for you to think I’m “serious” about you.

VIBE: So you’re saying time has nothing to do with determining whether a guy is serious. You can have sex with a guy whenever and if he’s not serious he’s just not serious.

KS: Exactly! You can have sex with a guy on the first date and marry him, or you can wait five months testing how serious he is and he was just holding out waiting and right after its done, you never hear from him again.

VIBE: You touched on it a bit, but there’s so many places women can receive dating advice, why should women read this specific book, especially when one of the authors is divorced?

KS: Actually, two of the authors are divorced, one of them is remarried and that’s all the more reason women should listen. This is as close as women are going to get to three married men and five single men in a barber shop talking about relationships like it’s just us eight on the planet. One dude is now remarried, he has some experiences. I was out there having fun, but now I’m in love with my wife, I have some experiences. One guy was out on a date with a women he wasn't too interested in when another woman walked by and he ended up marrying her. One guy isn’t thinking about marriage right now. One guy messed up his marriage by making foolish career choices and he knows it, and wants to get married again. One guy is holistic in his eating habits and views dating from a organic perspective, so women get all those perspectives.

VIBE: So this particular book runs the gamut for men in different places in their life.

KS: Correct! We also all don’t agree with each other as well. We’ve done panels and my co-authors might say something and then when I got the mic I’ve said ‘he’s buggin. I don't agree.'

VIBE: Is there dating advice in this book men can take from it?

KS: Absolutely. Chapter two is titled ‘Are You Ready for His Love’ and I get into the proper definition of love. Many people think love is an emotion, it’s a feeling. There are feelings and emotions attached to love, but love in itself is a choice. Like, I can’t tell you to feel embarrassed right now or to feel hungry.

VIBE: [LAUGHS] Right!

KS: So love is a choice and it’s a commitment to that choice, so even when they’re times I don’t feel like I love you, I still love you and in the chapter I set the tone by explaining love. When you claim you want love from a “good guy” and he has a proper understanding of what love is, you have to ask yourself are you really ready for that? So while I’m speaking to women, I’m indirectly telling guys they also have to understand what love really means.

VIBE: I’m not sure which one of the authors said this, but it was something to the effect of a man can sleep like a baby after cheating, but won’t switch barbers. Please explain that logic because...

KS: There’s rarely any commitment or emotional attachment when a man cheats. There’s a certain accomplishment that comes with accumulating a new woman. So a guy who cheats will say 'I saw her across the room. I imagined what she’d be like in bed. I got her number. Finessed it and knocked it out. I want to do that with another woman now.' The problem is, once you get into a relationship you can’t have that feeling anymore. If you’re a guy who needs that in his life, you don’t have the proper level of self-control and you’re going to cheat. Not that there’s anything wrong with your woman. You as a man need that constant win. That’s what it's all rooted in, so when a man who cheats get's that win, they can go to sleep like a baby because in his mind he didn’t do anything against his woman, he just did something to fulfill his own little thing. Now, guys like me will say you absolutely did something against your woman, but until you get caught and you see her crying and throwing your clothes out the window. Then you realize ‘I really did hurt her.' My barber! That’s attached to my image. I'm connected to that guy.

VIBE: When you explain it, it kind of makes sense but it’s not comforting at all.

KS: The truth is not always comforting. That’s just what it is. And what makes its worse is that feeling of accomplishment, that badge of honor, that feeling of a new woman is celebrated an applauded, and then you have media who also applauds that behavior, it doesn’t help. Most guys, if they’re boy is cheating they turn a blind eye

VIBE: Glamour did a story on Single Man Married Man with the headline “Is This The Most Sexist Dating Advice Ever.” Do you think some of the advice in the book can be perceived as sexist? Especially since one of your co-authors said Destiny’s Child’s ‘Cater 2 U’ should be on a woman’s playlist?

KS: Absolutely! If you look at only half of those things, but you should only be catering to a guy who’s reciprocating those actions. And if he’s you’re man we’re assuming you deemed him as worthy. What we’re not saying or encouraging is for women to be serial submissives.

VIBE: One of the authors said men and women want the same things but communicate them in different ways. How can this book help men and women achieve what they want?

KS: We spoke from a male perspective, but in a very practical, useful way, so for women if you’re reading this, it’s almost like this is a “when he says this, this is what he means” thing. We’re telling women off the record what we like, what we go through, what we’re thinking. If you’re willing to take it in, you’re pretty much signing up to speak our language.

To purchase your copy of Single Man Married Man, CLICK HERE

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George Floyd Died From Homicide By Asphyxiation, Independent Autopsy Finds

George Floyd was asphyxiated to death from “sustained forceful pressure” that cut off blood flow to his brain, according to an independent autopsy performed by medical examiner Dr. Michael Baden and Dr. Allecia Wilson.

The 46-year-old father died from “homicide caused by asphyxia due to neck and back compression that led to a lack of blood flow to the brain,” civil rights attorney Benjamin Crump announced on Monday (June 1).

“Sustained pressure on the right side of Mr. Floyd’s carotid artery impeded blood flow to the brain and weight on his back impeded his ability to breathe,” reads a statement posted to Crump’s Twitter account. “The independent examiners found that weight on the back, handcuffs, and positioning, were contributory factors because they impeded the ability of Mr. Floyd’s diaphragm to function.”

The autopsy also found that Floyd “died at the scene” and not at a hospital where he was pronounced deceased.

Fired Minnesota police officer Derek Chauvin was filmed jamming his knee into Floyd’s neck ass he lay handcuffed on the ground, pleading for air. Two additional officers were helping to apply pressure to Floyd's body, while a fourth officer stood and watched. Chauvin was arrested on third-degree murder and manslaughter charges last week. The other officers, Thomas Lane, J Alexander Kuen and Tou Thao, have not been arrested.

“For George Floyd, the ambulance was his hearse. Beyond question, he would be alive today if not for the pressure applied to his neck by fired officer Derek Chauvin and the strain on his body from two additional officers kneeling on him,” Crump said. “Mr Floyd’s death was a homicide by officers who taunted him while holding him down for more than eight minutes. And the officer who stood by doing nothing was a physical blue shield — a living symbol of the code of silence.”

Floyd’s family ordered the private autopsy after the Hennepin County Medical Examiner's Office claimed that his death was caused by pre-existing health conditions.

“What we found is consistent with what people saw. There is no other health issue that could cause or contribute to the death,” said Dr. Baden. “Police have this false impression that if you can talk, you can breath. That’s not true.”

Global protests continued to call for justice in the murders of Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and other victims of police brutality and racial violence.

Read the full autopsy statement below.

 

Independent medical examiners determined #GeorgeFloyd’s death was due to asphyxia from sustained forceful pressure. Full statement: pic.twitter.com/cIbWu8ssWX

— Benjamin Crump, Esq. (@AttorneyCrump) June 1, 2020

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Killer Mike Gives Emotional Speech Urging Peaceful Protests Amid Unrest In Atlanta

Killer Mike joined T.I., and Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms in delivering emotional pleas to discourage ATLiens from burning the city as protests broke out on Friday (May 29) in response to the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor and countless victims of police brutality.

“I don’t want to be here,” began Killer Mike. “I’m the son of an Atlanta city police officer, my cousin is a police officer…I got a lot of love and respect for police officers down to the original eight [Black] police officers in Atlanta that, even after becoming police, had to dress in a YMCA because white officers didn’t want to get dressed with ni**ers. And here we are, 80 years later and I watched a white officer assassinate a Black man and I know that tore your heart out. I know it’s crippling and I have nothing positive to say in this moment because I don’t want to be here.”

The Atlanta native went on to share background on his family’s involvement in the Civil Rights Movement, and other social justice issues. “I’m duty-bound to be here to simply say, 'It is your duty not to burn your own house down for anger with the enemy.’”

In what turned out to be another viral moment, Tip called Atlanta “Wakanda” while imploring demonstrators not to destroy the city. “Atlanta has been here for us, this city don’t deserve that. I understand that a lot of others do, but we can’t do this here, this is Wakanda. It’s sacred. It must be protected,” said the 39-year-old rapper.

Mayor Bottoms simply told protestors to simply “go home.”

“Above everything else, I am a mother to four Black children in America, one of whom is 18 years old,” she said. “When I saw the murder of George Floyd, I hurt like a mother would hurt. Yesterday, when I heard there was a rumor about violent protests in Atlanta, I did what a mother would do: I called my son and I said ‘where are you?’ I said ‘I cannot protect you and Black boys shouldn’t be out today.’ So you’re not going to out-concern me, and out care about where we are in America.

“I wear this each and every day and I pray over my children each and every day. What I see happening on the streets of Atlanta is not Atlanta. This is not a protest. This is not in the spirit of Martin Luther King Jr. This is chaos.”

WATCH: "If you love this city, go home!" https://t.co/c8cPBZLATJ pic.twitter.com/v9IEBVoXpB

— WSB-TV (@wsbtv) May 30, 2020

At the request of Mayor Bottoms, Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp issued a state of emergency in Fulton County, and deployed 500 troops from the state's national guard.

They will deploy immediately to assist @ga_dps, @GaDNRLE, @GA_Corrections & local law enforcement who are working tirelessly to subdue unlawful activity & restore peace. We will continue to make all state resources available to local leaders during this emergency situation. (2/2)

— Governor Brian P. Kemp (@GovKemp) May 30, 2020

See Killer Mike's full statement below as well as photos and video of the protests.

A powerful scene in Atlanta right now, this gives me chills. pic.twitter.com/SK7oOvzs8g

— Everything Georgia (@GAFollowers) May 29, 2020

More shots from Atlanta tonight pic.twitter.com/TmUmW5nXxZ

— kieron (@kieroncg) May 30, 2020

The chief of police in Atlanta talking and listening to everyone that has something to say#ATLFORUS #AtlantaProtest pic.twitter.com/qirbQRgViU

— Lilly - BLACK LIVES MATTER (@joonhopekook) May 29, 2020

It’s not just Minneapolis, we are now seeing protests in cities across the country over the death of George Floyd. This is in Atlanta as some smash the glass at our downtown CNN headquarters. #GeorgeFloyd pic.twitter.com/iwJxFaUfxW

— Omar Jimenez (@OmarJimenez) May 30, 2020

Police cars getting literally destroyed in Atlanta outside the CNN Center pic.twitter.com/x5zRxZVQpb

— Fernando Alfonso III (@fernalfonso) May 29, 2020

Downtown Atlanta right now.... PEACEFUL PROTEST ! #BlackLivesMatter ! pic.twitter.com/6nejzqccVE

— KP 🦋. (@kailynnlee) May 29, 2020

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Breonna Taylor’s Family Vows To Continue Fight For Justice: “Please Keep Saying Her Name”

Breonna Taylor must not be forgotten. The family of the 26-year-old EMT who was shot and killed by Louisville police officers in March, released a statement encouraging peaceful protests and the continued fight for justice.

Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear read the statement from Taylor’s mother, Tamika Palmer, on CNN on Friday (May 29).

“Breonna devoted her own life to saving other lives, to helping others, to making people smile, and to bringing people together,” the statement reads. “The last thing she’d want right now is any more violence. Changes are being made, but it’s not enough. We will not stop until there is truth, justice and accountability. Breonna’s legacy will not be forgotten. And it’s because of all of us saying her name and demanding justice. We are saying her name more each day. Thank you.

“Please keep saying her name. Please keep demanding justice and accountability, but let’s do it the right way without hurting each other. We can, and we will make some real change here. Now’s the time. Let’s make it happen.”

Seven people were shot during a protest for Taylor in Louisville on Thursday (May 28). The shooting victims were treated and are in stable condition, according to Louisville Mayor Greg Fisher. Fisher also reposted a video message from Taylor’s family urging peace amid the protests.

A message from Breonna Taylor’s family urging protestors to be peaceful, go home and keep fighting for truth. pic.twitter.com/if5MH5UcCW

— Mayor Greg Fischer (@louisvillemayor) May 29, 2020

On March 13, 2020, Louisville police officers kicked in Taylor’s door without warning and opened fire. Authorities claim that they were executing a “no-knock” search warrant stemming from an alleged drug investigation involving another man who did not live in Taylor’s home, and had already been arrested.

“Police just unloaded 25 to 30 rounds, I mean they’re shooting from the front door, they’re shooting from the window, they’re shooting from the patio,” attorney Benjamin Crump told Essence on Friday. “They’re so reckless, they shoot a bullet into the next door neighbor’s apartment where their five-year-old daughter is asleep in her room. “They didn’t even have to come in her [Taylor's] apartment. They already had the person they were searching for in custody.”

Taylor’s family filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the LMPD accusing the department of excessive force and gross negligence. In wake of Taylor’s murder going public, LMPD has changed its policy and will now require no-knock warrants to have a police chief’s signature. The department also made it mandatory for LMPD officers to wear body cameras.

A 911 call made by Taylor’s boyfriend, Kenneth Walker, after the shooting was made public on Thursday. “I don’t know what’s happening somebody kicked in the door and shot my girlfriend,” Walker can be heard saying through tears. Police arrested Walker for shooting at cops whom he assumed were robbers. The charges were later dropped.

Listen to the emotional 911 call below.

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