Justin Bieber

Recap: Justin Bieber Feels The Heat From Comedy Central's Hilarious 'Roast'

Here's our recap of Comedy Central's 'Justin Bieber Roast.' 

The Justin Bieber roast basically wrote itself. After hogging headlines the past few years for everything from leaving a monkey in Germany to causing $200,000 in damages while throwing eggs at a neighbor's home, the Biebs agreed to let Comedy Central and some of Hollywood's brightest to tear him a new one on his 21st birthday.

After LOLing several times throughout the nearly-90 minute uncensored special, here's a swift recap of the sizzling jokes from each roaster and the chest-clutching finale from Bieber himself.

"Selena Gomez couldn't be here tonight just because she didn't wanna come. I wish I had something better to tell you but I don't. If you gon' deal with a Jenner, I think it would be Bruce." — Host, Kevin Hart

"It's no secret that Justin wants to be black. He loves the black culture. I want you to come to terms that you're not gangster. Accept that. Orlando Bloom took a swing at you. That's not gangster. [Justin's] got a perfume called "Girlfriend." You threw eggs at a house. Gangsters don't throw fuckin' eggs. Snoop, when the last time you threw eggs at a gotdamn house? We don't do that. Justin sang the N-word on a song that was about killin' black people. That's pretty gangster, Justin, I'ma give you that." — Kevin Hart

"He may have just turned 21 but he will always be a baby to me, since babies piss everywhere and never know when to shut the fuck up. I remember i got this call one day, saying 'Collaborate with this little dude who will do anything to get famous' and I was like 'Great! I love Kevin Hart!' — Ludacris

"It's like just yesterday you were discovered on YouTube. Time flies when you're a piece of shit. Justin Bieber's fans are called "Beliebers" because these days, it's considered politically incorrect to use the term 'retards'" — Natasha Leggero

"What kinda bitch eggs his neighbor's house? You cost 20,000 in damages. Imagine the damages you would've caused if you threw like a boy." — Shaq

"For a guy worth 200 million dollars, why do you dress like Sharon Stone in the '90s? You look like Sisqo fucked Peter Pan and then got cast in Orange is the New Black." — Chris D'Elia

"You're about to get fucked harder than Orlando Bloom fucked Selena Gomez." — Chris D'Elia

"Let's get to the reason I'm here tonight which is to give Justin Bieber tips to use when he inevitably ends up in prison. I've been in lockup and you wouldn't last a week. Pay attention. First thing you'll need is a shank. I made mine out of a pintail comb and a pack of gum. I'll show you how later. It's so simple. I found Bubbalicious works best and its' so much fun to say. You see when i did my stretch, all the hoodrats in my cell block wanted to break off a piece of Martha Stewart's ass so I decided some bitch needed to get got. ... from then on, prison was easier than making blueberry scones." — Martha Stewart

"Before I go, here's my final piece of advice. You need to settle down, bring some balance into your life. Find yourself the right gal that she'll have to be someone on your level, someone powerful, and famous and rich. Someone you can smoke a joint with and indulge in the occasional three-way. I'm talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom. So Justin, my final piece of advice is call me." — Martha Stewart

"You are the "King Joffrey" of pop. What's your rap name? Feminem?" — Jeff Ross

"Justin Bieber's asshole is like a movie ticket. It got ripped apart by an Usher." — Jeff Ross

"You so pretty that when the inmates seen your mug shot, they swipe right." — Snoop Dogg

"Let me say this to you, Justin Bieber, JB, DMB - Damn Near Black. Now see, black people, we normally hate when white people try to steal our culture and be like us, minus the discrimination, police brutality and the marching and shit. That was until Justin Bieber came along. We don't mind him smoking weed in public while sagging in the club. Pissing in a mop bucket, drunk driving, living in a mansion with loud music, and hating the neighbors for not welcoming change. Welcome to the family, my nigga." — Snoop Dogg

"Justin, he started from the bottom and he's still at bottom. I don't like your music. I'm not a big fan of it. I listen to some of it. I think it's bad, man. I hate your music more than Bill Cosby hates my comedy." — Hannibal Buress

"People refer to Mister Bieber as a kid or a boy but here's a news flash, gang: he's a man. A full-grown man who works and loves and makes things with his hands. A man who sings songs for 9-year-olds and cuts his hair like a gay figure skater." — Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)

"What do you get when you give a teenager $200 million dollars? A bunch of has-beens calling you a lesbian for two hours." — Justin Bieber

"I will not end up broken, pathetic, bitter or sitting on the dais at somebody else's roast. But seriously, there was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this when I was 12 years old. Didn't really know what I was a getting myself into. There were a lot of moments I was really proud of and moments I look back and I'm pretty disappointed at myself for. But the things I've done don't define who I am. I'm a kindhearted person who love peoples and through it all, I lost some of my best qualities. For that, I'm sorry but what I can say, I look forward to being someone you can all look at and be proud of. Someone you can smile at and see some of yourself in. Someone close to me once said, 'It's how you rise from a fall that truly defines you as a man.' I'm excited for that challenge and I wanna say thank you so much for taking this journey with me. I'm excited for you to see what's next. Thank you God for your grace and for never giving up on me." — Justin Bieber

Watch the full roast here.

From the Web

More on Vibe

Photos by Brad Barket/Getty Images for STARZ and Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images

50 Cent And Kenya Barris Developing TV Series Based On 'The 50th Law'

Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson is teaming up with actor and director Kenya Barris to create a television series based on Jackson's New York Times bestseller, The 50th Law, co-written by author Robert Greene. The Power executive producer and black-ish creator will join forces to create an original show that will stream on Netflix. No word on its premiere date or who has been cast for the series.

In true, 50 Cent fashion, Jackson took to his official Instagram to celebrate and share the news. "Netflix now you know this is a problem, Kenya Barris is no joke," reads his post's caption. "And if me and you ain’t cool, you ain’t gonna make it. 😆Let’s work! 💣Boom🔥 🚦GreenLight Gang #bransoncognac #lecheminduroi #bottlerover"

Jackson will serve as co-producer by way of his G-Unit Film & Television company which has a hand in Starz's Power Book II: Ghost and ABC's For Life. Barris will work alongside his #blackAF co-executive producer Hale Rothstein for the pilot and show's script under his production company, Khalabo Ink Society.

Speaking of Khalabo Ink Society, Barris' and his company will have a hand in a couple of upcoming projects: Kid Cudi's upcoming adult animated music series, Entergalactic and MGM's upcoming biopic on the career and life of comedy legend, Richard Pryor.

Fif's G-Unit Film & Television imprint, more original programming is on the way: Power Book III: Raising Kanan premieres this summer and Black Mafia Family has begun shooting its series debut. His current shows —Power Book II; and For Life—have been renewed for another season on Starz and ABC, respectively.

Jackson and Greene's The 50th Law is a semi-autobiographical book that tackles lessons around fearlessness and strategy while including inspiring stories from 50 Cent's life and tales from notable historical figures. It went on to be a New York Times Bestseller in 2009.

Continue Reading
Photos by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images and Gilles Petard/Redferns

Questlove Is Directing A Sly Stone Documentary

The Roots' own Ahmir “Questlove” Thompson will be directing a documentary about the life of Sly Stone, founding member of legendary funk band, Sly and the Family Stone.

The untitled feature film "follows the story of the influential artist, king of funk, and fashion icon Sly Stone, a musician who was breaking all the rules at a time when doing so was extremely challenging, even dangerous. The pressure of explosive mainstream pop success and the responsibility of representing Black America forced him to walk the fine line of impossible expectations."

“It goes beyond saying that Sly’s creative legacy is in my DNA," said Questlove in a press release. "....it’s a black musician’s blueprint....to be given the honor to explore his history and legacy is beyond a dream for me.”

“Sly’s influence on popular music and culture as a whole is immeasurable, and what his career represents is a parable that transcends time and place,” expressed Amit Dey, Head of MRC Non-Fiction. “Questlove’s vision, sensitivity and reverence brings the urgency that Sly’s story and music deserve, and we’re excited to be working with him to bring Sly’s story to life.”

The project will mark the four-time Grammy Award-winning artist's second directorial project (see his Sundance award-winning Summer of Soul) by way of his Two One Five Entertainment production company. Award-winning actor and rapper Common will serve as an executive producer via his Star Child Productions along with Derek Dudley and Shelby Stone via ID8 Multimedia. Derik Murray and Brian Gersh of Network Entertainment will serve as producers with Zarah Zohlman and Shawn Gee as producing partners.

The film's official title and release date has not been announced.

Earlier today in partnership with BET Digital and Sony Music's “This Is Black” Black History Month campaign, an animated music video for the group's 1968 hit single, "Everyday People." Revisit the classic song down below.

Continue Reading

FX's 'Hip-Hop Uncovered' Shows How Big U, Deb Antney, Haitian Jack, Bimmy & Trick Trick Hustled The Game With Street Savvy

Rarely do the strong survive long enough to tell their story in their own words, so bear witness to some of the most notorious deal makers and street shakers in FX's new docu-series Hip-Hop Uncovered. Hailing from hardcore locations all over the map, California's Eugene "Big U" Henley, Queens, New York siblings James "Bimmy" Antney and Deb Antney, Detroit's Trick Trick and Brooklyn's infamous Haitian Jack, represent the mind and the muscle of the rap world's background boss section, where the real money and moves are made.

After last week's two-episode debut (Feb. 12th) of a six-episode season, we have the cast member's thoughts on what it was like taping the show and why they participated in the series. Remember, these storied behind the scenes executives are normally in the background, but are now telling their important stories that weave their importance in the industry that shapes the world...hip-hop.“A true dime is steel-heavier than a dollar.” Watch Hip-Hop Uncovered Fridays at 10 pm ET on FX.

Deb Antney: "By doing the show, it was very therapeutic. I’ve opened up and let you get a glance of what is in my Pandora’s box. I’ve shed pounds, even inches. I’m truly grateful I’m here to tell any part of my story. Now get ready for my book Unmanageable Me.

The show allowed me to showcase my truth the way it needed to be told. The Debra Antney way!

Being Debra Antney was not always glitter or gold. Like most, I went through some things. I was defiantly a product of my environment, it made me who I am today! I always knew how to get myself to the top and that’s exactly what I did. Thank you for being a part of my journey."

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by : @officialdebraantney (@debra4mizay)

Big U: "I loved filming this show. It brought up so many memories going back to the house I grew up in, remembering those special moments with family. It was fun to sort of relive my past, but the best part was really seeing my evolution. I’m such a different man today than I was back then. I feel good that the world will get to see the person I’ve become. I did it because for the first time, I knew I could be in full control of my own story, especially since I’m an Executive Producer on the series."

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by : @officialdebraantney (@debra4mizay)

Trick Trick: "[Taping the series was] weird as f---!! Because, I’m not used to that type of attention. I’m very private, but oddly enough, it was somewhat... refreshing!

[I did the show] because Big U called.”

Bimmy:

"Well, I choose to do the series because I was told who was involved from the cast to an all-Black production. Taping was like me living my past all over again and we show[ed] the world how we really lived and the things we went through."

Haitian Jack: "Taping the series, to me, was definitely a great experience.  Everybody that was on there, [producers] Oby, Rashidi and everyone else were very polite to everyone and we got everything we asked for.  When you have a crew like that, it makes it really easy for you to work with it.

[I did the show because] I like when they started to say, 'Let’s dig back into the past,' because that’s what my life is all about, the past.  The fact that Big U came up with it and hit me up with it is another reason because I respect what he is doing out there with the kids and his foundation. So I didn’t mind teaming up with him and everybody else, Deb and Trick Trick, Bimmy. I think we have a great cast and I’m proud to be a part of it.  I think we did it because we all knew where hip-hop came from because we lived it.  We wasn’t just some people who just popped up out of nowhere and started blogging about it. We were there.  We watched the deaths, we watched the lifetime prison sentences.  We lost a lot of friends to death and prison. We all lived it.  They are going to get a good account of what went on in the 70s and 80s."

Continue Reading

Top Stories