BlackRoom_New BlackRoom_New

The Black Room

We asked VIBE readers to send us their scandalous, mad funny, sometimes just plain wrong, anonymous dating and relationship stories from the trenches, and have featured our favorites.

We collected VIBE readers' most scandalous and hilarious dating and relationship confessions in honor of the upcoming Fifty Shades of Black. Be sure to check out the film when it hits theaters tomorrow, January 29th.

Marlon Wayans' character in Fifty Shades of Black, the outrageous comedy inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey, “doesn't do romance.” Wayans does, of course, do some serious comedy and slapstick (and we do mean “slap”) in the movie, released in theaters this Friday. This got us thinking: in the down and dirty real world of relationships and dating, haven't we all been there? So, we asked VIBE readers to send us their scandalous, mad funny, sometimes just plain wrong, anonymous dating and relationship stories from the trenches, and have featured our favorites below.

Far-Sighted Swiper

A Brazilian hottie caught my eye on Tinder. Her photo was dark but she had a Latin honey/Nitty Scott vibe. We made plans to meet at a bar. I was early so I ordered a beer. I took off my glasses — didn't want to look like a nerd. Then I saw her — long, black hair, brown eyes — she looked boney in RL (not the curvy cutie on Tinder). She was early too. I said "You're my Tinder date, right?" "Yeah," she said smiling and we tried to have a conversation over the loud music as I downed my second beer. I spoke to her in what little Portuguese I learned from an ex and she said "I don't understand." I told her I was sorry my Portuguese was bad. "Whatever," she said. As it got crowded and we got pushed together, we ended up kissing and twerking in a corner while she whispered in my ear, "Pull my hair… harder… harder." Then she went to use the bathroom. Another Latin girl with a serious body came running up to me and said, "Sorry I am so late, the L train was broken," in a thick Brazilian accent. I was in shock. She looked at me sideways. "You've got lipstick on your mouth," my real Tinder date said! — Far-Sighted Swiper

Uncle Phil

I had a bartending job at an art opening and met a special lady with a captivating smile and big dark eyes. We ended up going out for a few weeks. One night, after ripping each other's clothes off in her living room, things were getting so hot we moved to the bedroom, I got a jimmy out and we got into it. I was 21, so I had (still have) staying power and was going for round two. She asked if we could role play. Why not, I'd had a couple too many and the room was borderline spinning. "I'll be your naughty little niece and you can be my perverted uncle," she said. I went with it and played “Uncle Phil”— the first name that came into my head. "Spank me," she said innocently, so I whooped her delicious round booty. We finished, crashed hard and woke up at 5:00. I vaped, we talked. I was telling her about this lady who I bartended for in Malibu who grabbed my ass: "She was old, like 38 or something." "Um, I'm 40," she said. I knew this freaky lady was older but thought she was 27! I caught my breath, remembering my role as the nasty ol' uncle with her as the innocent “young” niece — nooooo! So I asked her to tell me what the ‘80s were like and then drove home. — Uncle Phil

Drunken Sailor

I was doing my junior year in Holland. My sexy boyfriend was 6' 5" and built for sex. We talked about maybe doing some light bondage and he agreed to get tied up. I was about to head out to a sex shop to get my gear when I saw some rope in the window of a boating store near my dorm. I walked in and the sales guy helped me find hemp-decking rope. "How big is the boat?" he asked. "Uh, average, I guess." I was blushing. So I bought a sh*tload of boat rope. That night, after some liquid courage, I tied up my boyfriend. He was spread-eagled to my bed and there was so much damn rope it took me like 15 minutes to wrap it all around the bed, his wrists and ankles. I finally had my way with him and even though he couldn't touch me, he found other ways to satisfy me. A week later, I saw the boat store guy in the street and he asked me, "Did you have a good time sailing?" I told him the boat ride was better than expected and secretly laughed my ass off. — Drunken Sailor

Well-heeled

Me and my boo went to an S&M club in Manhattan one night. We said we were too chicken to go home with anyone but it would be fun to watch and get turned on and go home together. We were expecting the club to be full of gorgeous folks. In reality, not even the black light could make these sad individuals look normal. There was an old dude in a blonde wig and white dress sucking his finger and hanging from a swing and in another corner, a pale big dude getting whipped by a pale big girl. I sat down and an average-looking Filipino dude crawls up to me staring at my stiletto heel. "Can I worship your feet?" I look at my boo who's almost laughing and let the normal-looking dude stroke my shoe. Everything was going (laugh-out-loud funny but) fine until he took off my shoe and started licking my toes. "Oh, hell no!" I said and snatched my wet foot back from him. That was the last time we went (or will ever go) to an S&M club… anywhere! — Well-heeled

Once Bitten

I went out with my girls to our regular bar and met this guy that I ended up going home with. He was a musician and had a dope home recording studio. We hooked up fast; he was a sloppy kisser but his big-ass body knew how to move. Two hours later I was swigging from a bottle of Hennessy and he was playing bass buck-naked for me. I went to the kitchen to find something to mix drinks with. I found a lemon and sliced it, deeply cutting my finger. Blood was coming out and my baldy came over and tried to put my finger in his mouth! He didn't have a Band-Aid so I took a paper towel and duct tape and made my own. Then we were at it again and he started making scary animal noises and biting my inner left thigh… hard! "Owww!" I said, and he bit my outer left thigh before I smacked his head. I woke up the next afternoon throwing up into a bucket, with mouth-shaped bite marks on my legs and a big ridiculous homemade bandage on my hand. I never saw him again but listening to my girlfriend, went and got a tetanus shot! — Once Bitten

For more scandalous and hilarious scenes, check out the Fifty Shades of Black trailer below!

From the Web

More on Vibe

You’re Invited: VIBE VSessions in Los Angeles with Casey Veggies, Kodie Shane, and Buddy

Calling all Los Angeles teens! We are gearing up for our third and final VIBE VSessions — a FREE live concert series in partnership with Fresh Empire, a lifestyle brand dedicated to encouraging youth to reach their goals tobacco-free. The show is open to music lovers ages 13 to 19 and will host some of the most exciting up-and-coming names in hip-hop.

The VIBE VSessions event will feature full sets by LA's own Casey Veggies, Lil Yachty-endorsed Atlanta prodigy Kodie Shane, and rising star Buddy. Host DJ Hed will kick off the night. Attendees at the show will have the chance to take part in on-site giveaways, artist meet-and-greets, and more.

Join us on Saturday, May 13th from 5:00 - 9:00 pm at Hyde on Sunset Boulevard.

Mandatory RSVP at Vibevsessions.eventbrite.com for tickets. Please note entrance is based on capacity so get there early!

Continue Reading
Paul R. Giunta

Metro Boomin Rocks Fresh Empire and VIBE's VSessions Feat. YG, Speakerfoxxx, and DJ Jelly

VIBE VSessions descended to Atlanta for a highly-anticipated night of high-powered DJ sets. In an effort to promote a tobacco-free lifestyle, teens ranging from ages 13-19 filled the dance floor at The Loft's Center Stage, a premiere concert venue located in the heart of midtown. V-103's Big Tigger served as the host setting the tone for the Fresh Empire “lituation.”

While attendees laced up with free swag and photos ops, the show kicked off with Southern Style DJ's own DJ Jelly spinning a 45-minute selection of old and new school hip-hop bangers, ranging from legendary rap collective the Dungeon Family down to trap superstar Young Thug. The energy in the room was pure pandemonium leading to the flawless introduction of Speakerfoxxx, better known as “The Queen of ATL.”

“There is no better place than performing at home,” she said while jumping into her set playing an eclectic mix of hip-hop infused electronic records. The Atlanta native made sure concert-goers enjoyed every minute of their escape from the parentals. Whether she was playing the latest from Gucci Mane, Lil Uzi or 2 Chainz, the crowd just couldn’t stop dabbing to the beats.

Speakerfoxxx kept the momentum going for one hour before her close friend and headliner Metro Boomin hit the stage to wrap up the evening. His cult following began shouting, “If Young Metro don’t trust you,” and from that point, the vibe in the crowd skyrocketed to 100 - real quick. It was only right that he began his set with songs from close comrades Future and Drake like “Where Ya A** Was At,” “Jersey,” and the ultimate ATL anthem “Bad and Bougie” by Migos.

Popular YouTube dancers Meechie and Toosi came and kicked it along with upcoming rapper Sahbaii who performed “Pull Up Wit Ah Stick," the latest hit single Metro is co-signing as next to top the charts. West Coast rapper YG also popped up and rapped a few bars from "Who Do You Love" on his studio album, My Krazy Life and more.

Before the show ended three lucky teens got the chance to win a meet-and-greet with Metro himself. The Atlanta edition of VIBE's VSessions was certainly one for the books and the perfect interlude before the Falcons played in the NFL championship on Super Bowl Sunday.

Fresh Empire's national campaign promotes tobacco-free living while educating youth about the health risks with smoking cigarettes. According to the CDC, each day in the United States, more than 3,200 youth aged 18 years or younger smoke their first cigarette, and approximately 2,100 youth and young adults become daily cigarette smokers. Additionally, if smoking continues at the current rate among youth in this country, 5.6 million of today’s Americans younger than 18 will die early from a smoking-related illness.

Continue Reading

You’re Invited: VIBE VSessions, Atlanta

Calling all ATL teens!  — We are gearing up for our second VIBE VSessions – a FREE live concert series – in partnership with Fresh Empire, a lifestyle brand dedicated to encouraging the youth to reach their goals tobacco free. The four-show series will be open to music lovers ages 13 -19 and feature some of the biggest artists in hip-hop.

The VIBE VSessions show, hosted by Big Tigger, will feature V103's DJ Jelly, Atlanta's own, Speakerfoxxx, and headliner Metro Boomin,. At the show, attendees will have the chance to take part in on-site giveaways, artist meet-and-greets and more.

Join us on Friday, February 3rd at 7pm at The Loft. Mandatory RSVP at Vibevsessions.eventbrite.com. Please note entrance is based on capacity so get there early!

Additional VIBE VSessions showcases are planned in Los Angeles and Chicago throughout 2017. Stay tuned for artists and dates to be announced.

 

Continue Reading

Top Stories