Finally, the namesake and inspiration behind this blog is coming back. Now who’s ready for war? Because when Tiger Woods makes his comeback to golf at the Masters on April 8, expect an all out battle-of-the-sexes.
To a man, if Tiger wins, this is redemption, a clear message that just because we’re a complete mess in one area of our lives does not mean we’re a mess in another. To a woman, if Tiger loses, it serves him right, and he’s getting what he deserves. The age-old expression, what goes around comes around.
This is why my first instinct in regards to the Masters is not to watch at all in the company of a woman. But whom am I kidding? Everyone, men, women, and children, are going to tune in and watch the world’s most boring spectator sport this side of bocce ball. So to help all the men out there who want to watch the Masters and not let Tiger’s victory cause any drama in their own relationship (assuming he wins, this will happen), here are three tips.
ROOT FOR TIGER ON THE INSIDE
On the outside, be anti-Tiger Woods. Root hard against Tiger Woods. Say things like, “I HOPE HE DIES ON THE GOLF COURSE.” Really take it over the top here.
ROOT FOR TIGER FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
If a man insists on rooting for Tiger Woods, it’s best to give his woman the following reason why. “Baby, the only reason why I’m rooting for Tiger Woods is because the winner of the Master’s gets over a million dollars. And you know what that means? More money for Elin when she divorces that no good lying, cheating, jerk.”
DEFER TO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT ISSUE
For those who know absolutely nothing about golf (and when I say those, I mean most of us), a little bit of history about the course where the Masters is taking place. Augusta National golf course is one of the most anti-women private clubs in the world. Since its beginnings in 1933, the club has allowed not one (NOT ONE!) woman membership into the club. Hello! It is 2010, we almost had a woman win the presidency and yet, Augusta National has yet to admit a woman? This is an outrage! Say this, not Tiger, is the real issue with the Masters and repeat over and over again throughout the weekend. — Jozen Cummings
Jozen Cummings is a frequent contributor of VIBE.com and hosts his own blog Until I Get Married.