Cuffing season is almost over and you probably spent most of it laid up with a man who seems like he’s ready but has yet to pop the question– “will you be my girlfriend?” If this is a reoccurring cycle you’re too familiar with—the one where you date for months but never become official—you’re probably not viewed as wife material.
Good men don’t give out titles to women they don’t want a future with. A keeper sees us as an investment because we will cost him his time, money and heart. If you’re giving off signs that his interest rate won’t increase over time, he’s not plunging into those waters. Most women think they have the game figured out, but are constantly getting played. If you’ve found the man you want to settle down with, here’s 10 things you may or may not be doing that aren’t making you worthy of his commitment.
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If you have FOMO (fear of missing out), he’s not looking to commit to you because a good man doesn’t want want a female that is always on the scene. If you’re in a club before 11pm turning up every weekend, these are all caution signs that you’re not the one. Unlike women, men are very logical when it comes to the future.
Instead of going out every weekend, map out times to go out for a significant reason. If it’s not a girls night celebration, always invite him to come. He probably won’t care to go, but the offer shows him that you’re not going out looking for the attention of other men.
If you can’t readily discuss your future success plans, he won’t see you being a good teammate. Like Steve Harvey said, “what are your short term, long term goals?”. If you have none, you need to start mapping them out.
Make a vision board, finish those college courses and apply for that career job you want. If a guy knows his girl’s goal in life is to own the basketball team instead of becoming a basketball wife, you’ll definitely get the commitment you seek.
Career vs. Job
Are you investing in a career instead of a job? A career is the “pursuit of a lifelong ambition” in which you must have certain abilities and specialties that you train and study to gain. A job is an “activity through which an individual can earn money” and you don’t necessarily need any special skills.
Men want to be pushed by their significant other’s hardwork and vice versa. That means if you’re working to get by or look fly, he sees you as a bad investment. A man with aspiration isn’t marrying a woman that’s stagnant and is okay living based on her weekly paycheck.
If you have a bad relationship with your immediate family, fix it now. Unless you’ve been through some unimaginable circumstances like child abuse, molestation, etc., the minor tifs you have with your lineage should be reconciled. A lot of men are family oriented and knowing the girl they want to settle down with is always on the outs with her parents or siblings are red lights for guys.
Try talking to him about your situations and getting his advice on how to handle it. He’ll appreciate your efforts to include him as well as fixing the problem.
If you really want the title for a guy, your best bet is to hold off sex. However, if you’ve already opened pandora’s box, you have to keep him interested. You have to always bring your A game in the bedroom. It’s superficial, but a man’s sex life is very important and if you’re good at what you do, he will lock you down to ensure that he doesn’t have to share you. You don’t have to play all your cards early on, but you have to show him that your committed to pleasing him.
Try bringing a toy, a new position and if you’re not the controlling kind–take control. If he sees that sex with you gets better each time, he sees your sex as a good investment.
It really pays to keep your legs closed. If he knows that you’ve been around the block many times, he’s not going to commit. No good man wants a female who doesn’t value her body and will let anyone enter her. Don’t sleep with every man you date and try to hold off giving him sex for at least 10 weeks. If he has to work for your goodies, he knows that you don’t just give it up to every man that takes you to a 5-star restaurant.
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Phones Always Ringing
Your phone shouldn’t be ringing every time you two are together. He knows it can be either gender, but will initially assume it’s a man. Think about it–if the tables were flipped, you would assume the same.
If it’s harmless, try turning your phone on airplane mode so that he sees a change in your phone activity.
Don’t be a “Debbie Downer.” If you’re constantly bringing yourself down and pointing out your flaws, he will see you as flawed. Confidence is a girl’s best outfit, so rock the hell out of your’s.
House in Order
What does his living situation look like? If you’re always at his house, but never take the initiative to straighten up his things, he’s not seeing signs to lock you down. We’re not saying give up your feministic views on equality, but remember you’re a lady. If you’re okay with living in an unkept place, you’ll become more of a girl that can kick it than someone that is laying the foundation of a partnership.
Small baby steps is all it takes. If you sleep over and he’s getting dressed, make the bed. If you come there and there’s clothes everywhere, pick them up. The more he sees you making him get his appearance together, he’ll learn the rules, adapt, but really appreciate it.
Compromise and Cater
Everything can’t be your way or the highway. If you’re always making him watch reality TV when the game’s on or do what you want to do, that’s a no-no for his future manhood. A relationship is about compromising and catering to the other person, so if you’re always getting your way, you’ll be soon left all alone.
If you hate sports, do something else sometimes because its an important aspect to men (for whatever reason). Also, if he’s always taking you out and footing the bill, surprise him with a date night or weekend where you put an effort of doing all the things you know he wants to do.