In Think Like a Man, which hits theaters today, the character Gabrielle Union dates is described as a dreamer. Basically, he hasn’t progressed past the college stage—futons and all. He doesn’t have a good job, he has goals, but he doesn’t make it happen. Gabrielle said she’s actually dated a few dreamers in real life—also known as losers to some—and confesses she didn’t break the cycle until she met her current beau Dwayne Wade. Off top, there’s nothing completely wrong with being a dreamer, you just need to know know which kind you’re dealing with. There’s the Barack Obama dreamer who had a goal he wanted to accomplish and made it happen and then there’s the “I know what I want to do with my life but don’t put in enough effort to make it happen type of dreamer.” If you haven’t been as lucky as Gaby to snatch the total package yet, there are a few dangers you should be aware of when it comes to sticking it out with the dreamer type.
More often than not, you foot the bill
Nothing’s wrong with going dutch in a relationship or treating your man from time to time but when you always have to pay for the both of you to go out, it can weigh on you and your wallet. Chances are if this man is a dreamer, he may be stuck in a dead-end job with little play or he may even be unemployed waiting for that next big break or to become his own boss. If you see real potential in your man and action (key word) being put into achieving his dreams, then nothing’s wrong with holding him down. Unless he’s a jerk, he’ll return the favor 10-fold when he gets his big break. But if you sense he’s just holding on for the free ride, it’s time to drop him off.
If your man isn’t where he wants to be, he could easily take his frustrations with his circumstances out on you. Most times his anger isn’t really about you, he’s more angry with himself and what he hasn’t been able to accomplish, but it can be tiresome dealing with a Darrell downer all the time because he feels stuck in a rut. He also could be harboring a bit of resentment toward you for being further along in life though, or having made some of your dreams a reality and that jealousy will take a serious toll on the relationship. Be patient with him when you can but if it gets to be too much, call him out on it.
He never stops dreaming
The biggest danger of dating a dreamer is that they never stop dreaming, meaning they never progress. Their goals remain dreams rather than accomplishments and all the frustrations you both experience with him being in that state never end. A rut is one thing, but if we’re talking nine years down the line like the relationship Gabrielle Union’s character is in, it’s safe to say he’s hit the snooze button on life and you need to go. Decide how long you’re willing to stick it out for him to have more tallies under the accomplishment side of the board rather than the dreams and hold yourself to it.