As Valentine’s Day approaches many females will be attending and hosting Independence Parties or going out with their girls. While you may blame men, the lack of Black men, the “down low” theory, contemplate “something new” and pull up statistics of the Black male prison rate, sometimes you’re single because of YOU. The guys that you do come in contact with may have looked the other direction because of your actions. You may not have realized those little things that you do and say that leaves you unapproachable and how ended a potential relationship before it started.
With one week left until the big day, it’s still time to snag a Valentine if you acknowledge the error of your ways and follow a few simple steps. Remember, first impressions last forever and casual conversations are free. Hopefully, Cupid shoots you with his arrow before it’s too late!
1. Do Things Alone – It’s hard for men to get a girl’s attention if she is huddled with her girls while out at events. In romantic comedies, men will often approach a group of females and ask to dance or ask to speak with a young lady, but the reality is that the girls who look available get chosen. If you’re interested in getting chose next time you’re out, consider ditching your girls and making yourself open to conversation.
2. Leave Something To The Imagination – The fact that you just got out of a relationship, graduated at the top of your class and make X amount at your current job never makes for a good first conversation. While most men appreciate an educated and accomplished women, running down your résumé at the first meeting can either make a guy intimidated or make you seem extremely uptight.
3. Take Things Slow – Yes, you’re getting older, you don’t have time for games and you choose not to waste your time, but asking too much information during a first conversation is never good. People share information with those they are comfortable with. Unfortunately, it may take a few dates to figure out that someone isn’t for you.
4. Step Out The Box – From listening to any female conversations or scrolling through twitter timelines, it’s clear that most women want a dark-skinned brother that’s six feet tall like Lance Gross, a light-skinned brother with light eyes like Michael Ealy or a distinguished gentleman like Idris Elba or Denzel Washington. Unfortunately, these brothers aren’t available, so ditch the height, weight and physical appearance requirements and work with what’s standing in front of you. If you genuinely enjoyed the conversation at the bar, and he would like to continue the conversation on the phone, email or over a meal, let him do so.
5. Expecting Something For Nothing – Asking a guy to buy you a drink, snack, lunch or dinner is never okay upon first meeting. If a guy is willing to purchase a drink for you, he will offer. Asking or expecting is the fastest way to guarantee that you will be drinking or dining alone.
6. Assume That Every Dude Is Attempting To Hit On You – When you are out, it is to be expected that you may be interested in a dance or willing to participate in a conversation. You always have a choice in who you dance or converse with, but responding with an attitude means that you probably should’ve stayed home. Every dance or conversation doesn’t mean that a guy wants to instantly take you home. Sometimes, a dance and a conversation is just that, so engage and find out his intentions before shutting him down.
7. Getting Too Comfortable on the First Date – How you met him is how you should look on the first date and how you should remain until after a few ones. While honesty is important, showing your true colors is not always appreciated so soon. Getting to know the REAL you is all a part of the process, so no change in appearance or attitude should be drastic before deeper feelings are at play.