“Model, author and all around awesome person Chrissy Teigen has opened up about her quiet battle with postpartum depression, a channel of clinical depression she had after the birth of her daughter Luna.
In an essay penned in Glamour Magazine, the 31-year-old remained honest and vulnerable as she spoke about moments of anxiety and emotional breakdowns she faced after having her child in April 2016. Calling her pregnancy with Luna “wonderful” and “energetic”, Teigen believed the constant moving around while her home with Grammy-winning singer John Legend was under construction might have been the source of her stress. It wasn’t until things got back to “normal,” other behaviors like body pains and anxiety made her question her health.
“Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful,” she writes. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.
I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role (Spike TV’s Lip Sync Battle): “Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.”
When I wasn’t in the studio, I never left the house. I mean, never. Not even a tiptoe outside. I’d ask people who came inside why they were wet. Was it raining? How would I know—I had every shade closed. Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed. John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
A doctor’s visit in December opened her eyes to postpartum depression. Affecting one and seven women, Tiegen said had a skewered view of the condition and felt like her lifestyle didn’t allow her to have PPD. She also expressed disdain for the Trump administration’s plans to dismantle Planned Parenthood and the Affordable Care Act, both programs designed to help those who face mental illnesses and healthcare needs for women.
“I know I might sound like a whiny, entitled girl,” she said. “Plenty of people around the world in my situation have no help, no family, no access to medical care. I can’t imagine not being able to go to the doctors that I need. It’s hurtful to me to know that we have a president who wants to rip health care away from women. I look around every day and I don’t know how people do it. I’ve never had more respect for mothers, especially mothers with postpartum depression.”
In the end, Teigen says she’s thankful for Legend, her mother, co-workers and others who have helped her with her PPD. This also hasn’t stopped her from giving Luna siblings.
After the piece had gone live, Teigen tweeted to her millions of followers about her experience.
You can read Teigen’s essay in full, here.