This week, lifestyle blogger Derrick Jaxn lends his expertise to VIBE Vixen readers as he reveals the surprising truths about the opposite sex and their thought processes. Today, we’re getting a crash course on the kinds of men to avoid (or not avoid) and where they can be found.
“I’ve seen attempts at lists like this one and noticed that they usually leave out the vastly growing majority of women who happen to choose Mr. Wrong, yet find happiness in spite of. So, I’ve decided to be more inclusive and help you know what kind of men to meet and where they’ve been hiding.”
– Derrick Jaxn
The Saint-> Church
“I don’t say the word ‘saint’ in its generally accepted context of die-hard for Jesus, soldier on the battle field way. But you know the self-proclaimed chosen one who has a word straight from God every time he wants you to believe something? That guy. Now this isn’t the church’s fault, but unfortunately that’s where these saints flock for the surplus of faith that gets stirred up after a great sermon. They realize they can leverage that for their own agenda should a lonely woman be especially open to God’s blessing one Sunday afternoon. The nice pencil skirt and semi-closed blouse doesn’t hurt either.”
The Pervert-> Online Dating Sites, Twitter DMs, Instagram, Facebook
“I know what you’re thinking. ‘The E-Harmony commercial said that most marriages start online now.’ Well, did E-Harmony also mention where the most porn is watched? Damn sure isn’t in magazines and newspapers. If a man is 40 years old or younger and hitting you up because of your online profile, it’s not because love is in his heart, it’s because lotion is in his hand; and he’s tired of it. Nothing like being able to mass-produce your pick up lines with a copy and pasting spree to increase your chances of somebody being naive enough to reply. The only men legitimately looking for love online are older because they’ve done a lot of living and exhausted all other options. Other than that, you’ve got yourself a perv.”
The Unavailable Man-> Night Clubs
“It takes a unique lack of standards to go looking for love in a night club. They are filled with men looking forward to the lustful appetizer of you twerking on their zippers, ready to take home any and everything with test results to prove it. The environment is dark and drinks are flowing; translated into the thoughts of a man, ‘Once I get her tipsy enough, I got a good chance of taking her home.'”
The Educated-> Library, Museum
“Real men do real things and educated men work in the same fashion. There aren’t too many guys flipping bricks and riding ’round with that Nina who have a library card so chances are, if you meet a man in a library or museum, he has an appreciation for intellect and doesn’t mind spending time mentally edifying himself. He’s also likely to be able to hold a decent conversation on something other than the chances of Kobe’s return to the finals.”
The Handy Man-> Lowes, Home Depot
“Now I don’t expect you to go out in the next home improvement store parking lot with a sign that says ‘Meet Me,’ but if you ever are in need of new light bulbs, opt out of the local market and head to Lowes. The guys here are likely good with their hands, possibly give great massages, and have a little old school upbringing with a father in their household because mothers don’t typically teach young men how to put on a roof. So with at least his father in the home, there’s a good chance for some great values to be instilled about how to lead a household.”
The Disciplined-> Gym, Garbage Truck
“Okay, I know the gym is a toss-up, but the difference is in the man’s demeanor. If he’s constantly in the mirror or so happens to be on rep 1,000 when you walk by, then I’m not talking about him. If he’s with a pack of other meat heads screaming and growling just to stretch, then not him either. But for the guy who consistently comes in, gets his workout in and leaves; that’s a guy who mentally has taken charge of his health which is a good sign for how he handles the rest of his responsibilities. The blue collared worker is another one. Anyone that can wake up 3:45 in the morning enough consecutive weeks to keep a steady job deserves respect.
You’re probably thinking, ‘Wait, where are the rest of the places to meet the good men?’ Well, compare your ratio of frogs you’ve kissed to princes and you’ll see why the list is lop-sided. There’s no Good Men Members Only policy at any location, but the key isn’t to just meet a good man, but rather the right man for you. It doesn’t matter how many babies he saved from a burning building or what organs he’s donating when he dies; if you don’t have anything in common with him, it won’t work.”