So, you’ve finally shut down our attempts to derail you from Valentine’s Day expectations leaving us with no other option other than to take a stab at it and hope you like. But one thing you can’t do is make us break our silence. We will give you your flowers and gifts, we will plan the day with surprises, but by no means shall we tell you what is really on our mind behind the smiles and “Hey babe, I got something for you” sentiments…until now.
1. He knows the chocolates are nasty. Chances are he got curious in the grocery store and tried one or two…or three. But the sale was good and it’s the thought that counts. Hell, he’s not doing you a favor by getting you chocolate anyway since you’ve been trying to diet lately. Nasty chocolates are in your best interest.
2. He’ll be disappointed if your gift for him doesn’t incorporate or lead to sex. No, it’s not all about sex. In fact, most guys prefer gifts with some practical functionality to them. But at the end of the day, it’s the one thing we have to look forward to and if you take that away from us, it says a lot about your character. *just kidding*
3. If your reaction is less than impressed by anything, you won’t be getting it ever again. It’s already stressful enough trying not to get outdone by your friend’s boyfriends and husbands because we know you’re all going to compare gifts. It’s even worse when you don’t have the decency to pretend you’re excited about the trouble we go through to make the day special.
4. The new lingerie is to encourage you to throw away the granny panties. Yes, all of them.That includes the Walmart 20 for $2 sale you caught at the beginning of the year too. No man wants his woman’s panties to reach up around her armpits. It’s simply not a good look.
5. Eating whipped cream and strawberries off your body is for his own pleasure. We can live with a win-win like this. You like it, we like it; no need in fixing what’s not broken.
6. He woke up before you and went back to sleep with hopes you’d still try to surprise him with breakfast, head, or both.Breakfast in bed is the least you can do since dinner at the end of the night is undoubtedly on us. But nothing’s worse than rolling over and seeing your woman still asleep as your stomach aches and her morning breath fills the room. Something’s gotta give; best it be our consciousness.
7. He at some point consulted with another woman when he picked out your gifts, just to be sure. We don’t think of how the gift pretty much came from another woman, except from our pockets and through our hands. Not that we’re not competent enough to pick out gifts, but again we know we’ve got competition(see #4), so we aim to get it right.
8. The first few minutes of cuddling after sex are spent wishing he had remembered to fix sandwiches and put them by the bed.Okay, most times guys don’t exactly think this, but nature does. It kicks in and tells us to go to sleep, but since we’re being romantic and need to stay up and cuddle, nature kicks one more time and makes us hungry. Asking you to fix us food can potentially ruin the moment, so that’s about the time we start contemplating on how soon is too soon to ask for a snack or better yet, plot on making sure we don’t go hungry next time.