By now you’ve probably exchanged all the Christmas gifts you’re going to this season, and hopefully things didn’t come up short on your end. Sure it’s the thought that counts when it comes to gifting, and of course you give out of generosity and not to get something in return, but if you’ve shelled out serious cash for a man you think is in your life, only to receive nothing more than a “thank you” in return, that’s not a good sign. Nothing’s wrong with being a sugar mama by choice, but when you don’t know that’s the role you’re playing, the end of the year might be a good time to reevaluate some things—namely that relationship.
The Victorian household could’ve doubled as an intervention set Christmas day when a distant relative strolled in the house with a nice pair of Beats by Dre and a new girl on his arm. I didn’t need to ask where the headphones came from but I guess the rest of the family didn’t catch on quite as quickly. They asked where he got such an expensive gift—considering he doesn’t work and is still in school—and he pointed to the generous young lady by his side. She seemed to sense that the confused looks on everyone’s faces warranted an explanation and she quickly jumped in to say she asked him what he wanted as a gift, and although she didn’t plan on playing Santa Claus and fulfilling his wish, three stores and $399 later, the pricey present still ended up on her boyfriend of two month’s ears.
While I was shocked at the young girl’s admission of shelling out so much money, a couple of things struck me even more than the four hundred dollar price tag. The first was the fact that somehow we never managed to hear of him getting anything for her, which made the new couple’s holiday seem like more of a one-way channel than a two-way exchange. Second, was the idea that he had the audacity to ask for such an expensive gift so soon. While he admitted he didn’t expect her to get the “Beats” for him, his asking reeks of a man who is testing just how much he can get away with. He knew he pushed the envelope by stretching her wallet, and the fact that she obliged pretty much without hesitation is setting her up for a long line of boundary crossing.
As women, we’re quick to want to express our love for a new someone in a number of ways and mimic behaviors of couples with more longevity early on as a sign that our own relationship is progressing, but doling out too much of anything too soon, especially money and presents, just isn’t a good look. It can be very easy for women to get caught up in “just because” gifts and for a man to get used to being showered with extravagance for every occasion, but if upgrading wasn’t your original aim you could end up questioning whether he likes you for you or because of what you can do for him. You may call it treating, he’s going to call it tricking.
The question of whether a couple is going to exchanging gifts at Christmas is always odd when two people first start dating, but if you went all out for someone you considered special and got nothing more in return than an I owe you this year, you can either turn on Beyonce’s “Suga Mama” and rock out in yule tide joy; or resolve to put cash and common sense before caking in 2012.