It seems to be a reoccurring theme featured throughout my Twitter timeline and Facebook homepage; young women whining about how some guy wasted their time. It starts off with a few sweet statuses and a couple of “oomf” subtweets, then these continue on for about a month, maybe more. Then here come the train wreck comments. You’ve realized that the guy you were dating and swooning over is probably the furthest thing from the prince charming that you hoped he would be.
But, you knew this already.
As I get older, I realize that guys show us everything that we need to see right away. For most people, you can determine if you have a future with someone within the first serious conversation that you two have. If you need a little more time than that, I’m sure that by the time your second date is finished, you’ve been able to point out key things that can help you determine if you should continue seeing this guy. Here are a few red flags to look out for…
Religion: This is a huge topic that I’m sure will be covered pretty early on in the courtship. If you happen to be a Christian and your potential boo is a raging atheist, chances are you won’t be able to get him to convert. Sure Jesus saves and anybody can be brought to the cross, but do you really want to argue about why you believe in God and listen to him slander you every time you get ready to say grace? Didn’t think so.
Ex-Girlfriends: That’s right. If you happen to have mutual friends with him, do research on his ex-lovers. Not in a stalking, friend-every-ex-on-Facebook type of way, but maybe see if you know one or two ghosts from his past. It will give you an idea of what type of women he’s used to dealing with. In some cases, you can upgrade a man. But if he’s used to dating Joseline’s and you’re more of a traditional woman with morals and values, he might get bored with you after a while and revert back to what he’s used to. Save yourself the drama and therapy visits.
Finances: I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but you sure don’t want a broke you-know-what. Of course, it’s not a good look to date guys solely based on their financial status, but don’t sell yourself short either. You deserve to be wined and dined and any man that you choose to keep around should be able to do that for you. If he never wants to go on dates, don’t assume he’s a homebody, because even homebody’s will think of creative ways to treat their woman to a good time. Assume that he’s broke and doesn’t have the guts to tell you. Side note: make sure you have your own too. There’s nothing wrong with picking up a dinner or movie tab every now and then ladies.
Future plans: You want kids. He doesn’t. You want to have a career where you travel the world. He’s okay with staying put in your small hometown. If you want a guy that’s going to be around for the long haul, make sure that your plans for the future align. They don’t have to be perfect, but make sure that you guys envision a somewhat similar future. Maybe he wants three kids and you only want one. You can compromise: two kids and a dog.
But if he doesn’t believe in marriage, and you know you’re never going to pop out a baby without him putting a ring on it, you may want to reconsider.
Criminal background: I know it’s hard and some men are just prone to trouble, but you may not want to consider a serious future with a man who is in and out of jail. It’s 2012 and if he’s still blaming his silly decisions on The Man, he’s definitely not “the man” for you.
Family upbringing: This is a pretty sensitive subject, but I’ve learned that the way a man treats his mother is a reflection of how he’ll treat you. If he disrespects his parents, always has something bad to say about the woman that gave him life and seems emotionally detached from everyone that he has a blood relation to, he might suffer from psychological issues that could spill over into your relationship. –Jazmine Henley-Brown
Vixens, we want you to choose the best possible man to occupy your time. Did we miss any red flags?