As an editor for VIBE, the Chris Brown and Karrueche saga – chock-full of break-ups, make-ups, public insults, exes, enemies, and now a possible child on the side – is an unavoidable part of the territory. From the perspective of a fellow young woman, however, your story becomes less news and more of a reminiscence. Whilst you and your very famous (now-ex) boyfriend go through the motions, I can’t help but see a former version of myself. And despite what your naysayers fill your mentions with, they’ve all been there too.
I have loved guys who were not willing – or capable – of reciprocating my efforts. I’ve stuck with a guy when no one approved of him. I have been cheated on. I have been made to look like a fool. It happens all the time. What doesn’t happen all the time though, is people saying “I get it.” I get it.
I don’t know you. I don’t mean to offend you or Chris Brown. I have never had any personal encounters with you. All I know of you is what you post, or what I read and report. But one thing’s for sure, despite all this: you are a beautiful woman who has endured a whole damn lot for love.
I am a Chris Brown fan (see: here and here). I want nothing more than to see him win. I believe he will go down as one of the most important artists of this generation. I also find that despite the constant loads of transgressions and backlash, he is refreshingly flawed. And if I can still rock with CB after all this time, I can only imagine how much he still means to you. There’s one difference, however: I can buy every CD he releases, get my life at every show he plays, and not be publicly humiliated and insulted. You don’t have the luxury of continuing to support him without ridicule.
During one of your spats with Brown, you took to Instagram to proclaim that you were your own priority, and that you had found the strength to be a better woman:
I refuse to be repeatedly mistreated especially by someone who claims to love me. That’s not love. And if that’s what you define as love then I don’t want it. Yes, I have not been so smart before in the past but I made a promise to be a better and stronger woman and I’m keeping that promise. If you can’t love me the right way, then don’t love me at all.
I believe you meant those words. I also believe you wished you didn’t have to write them.
In my mind, I imagine that you believe Chris Brown needs you. With jail, rehab and probation under his belt, I’m sure you worry about him constantly. It seems like you fear where he may end up without you and that you may think that you’re his saving grace. I won’t negate those things. He probably will be lost without your love, just as lost as you seem to be with his. You two can – and may even need to – survive without one another. You can’t save him from himself any more than he can help you stick to your guns. It’s starting to appear as though (from the outside looking in), you have to make a choice: love him or love yourself.
Now, I’m no expert (Sway probably has more answers than I do), but I just wanted to publicly let you know that it’s okay to choose yourself. It’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to stop doing any and everything that doesn’t make you happy – even if that means letting go of someone who seems to be the love of your life.
I was once an innately selfless person. Then I realized that while giving to everyone around me, I was taking from myself. I ultimately learned that you can be both selfless and selfish, but that it would require the right people. The kind of people that make you feel so good about giving to them, that you end up pleasing yourself in the process. You can find that, in family, friends and in a man. Is Chris Brown that man? I cannot say.
The only thing I can say is this: choosing Karrueche is okay. – Iyana Robertson