You’re dating a guy who eats, breathes and lives sports. Just a fun fact: there’s pretty much no better time in his life than right now. The Super Bowl is weeks away, hockey is in full swing and NBA All Star weekend is his version of Valentines Day. Seriously, if LeBron James did the dunk contest, it would be like you coming home to a candle lit walkway, centered with rose petals, leading towards the bathroom, with Beyonce’s Drunk In Love video looped via projector on a sidewall and hubby sitting in the tub filled with warm water, waiting for you to ride on your “surfbort.”
You want nothing more than to connect with him and be one of the guys for a few hours, instead of the girl who screams home run in the crowded sports bar when his favorite team scores a touchdown. Don’t embarrass yourself and have him looking at you with the real life welp face emoji. I feel compelled to help you ladies out, so here’s a guide to understanding the game and a few standout stats to remember if you really want to wow him.
Who’s Playing?
Right now, we’re in the Conference championship rounds. That means there are only four teams left and two out of the four will advance to the Super Bowl. The four teams are divided by the American Football Conference and the National Football Conference. In the AFC, the New England Patriots are playing against the Denver Broncos.
AFC: How Do I Tell Them Apart?
With all those players on the field, moving in mad directions and the ball being so small, things sometimes get confusing, So here’s how you can tell which team is which in the AFC Championship game.
The Patriots
Colors: Blue, Red, Silver, White
Mascot: Pat the Patriot
Team City: New England (Massachusetts)
Abbreviated Name: NE
Standout Stat: The Patriots have a record of 13 wins and 4 losses, and are seeded as the number two team in the AFC.
How Do I Tell Them Apart?
The Broncos
Colors: Orange, Navy Blue, White
Mascot: Miles (costume) and Thunder (live horse)
Team City: Denver, Colorado
Abbreviated Name: Den
Standout Stat: Denver’s record on the season is 14 wins and 3 losses and they are seeded as the number one team in the AFC.
Most Important Players
The weekend match ups are all about the quarterbacks. Peyton Manning is the quarterback for the Broncos and Tom Brady is the quarterback for the Patriots. Here’s some ways to identify them and facts you should know about both of them.
Tom Brady
Team: The Patriots
Jersey No.: 12
What Position He Is: Quarterback
What That Means: Brady controls the offense and is the the one that throws the ball down the field for New England. Without him, the team can’t move the ball because he makes the plays happen.
Standout Stat: Brady is one of the most celebrated quarterbacks in NFL history because he’s a proven winner. He’s won the most playoff games in NFL history as a quarterback, including three Super Bowls.
Most Important Players
Peyton Manning
Team: The Broncos
Jersey No.: 18
What Position He Is: Quarterback
What That Means: Like Brady, Manning controls the offense and is the the one that throws the ball down the field for Denver. What makes him so special is that he calls audibles. This basically means he’s changing the original play at the last minute because he sees a different way to beat the defense. You’ll notice this because he steps away from his teammates a lot and yells out commands before they give him the ball.
Standout Stat: Manning holds almost every record you can as a quarterback, but as good as he is, has only won one Super Bowl. You should know that because the commentators on TV, and most likely a few of your boyfriends buddies, will mention that while he’s playing because they just want to point out his one shortcoming.
NFC: How Do I Tell Them Apart?
Now that we got you covered for the AFC, here’s how you can tell which team is which in the NFC Championship game.
The Seahawks
Colors: Navy, Green, Wolf Grey
Mascot: Blitz
Team City: Seattle, Washington
Abbreviated Name: Sea
Standout Stat: The Seahawks have a record of 14 wins and 3 losses, and are seeded as the number one team in the NFC.
How Do I Tell Them Apart?
The 49ers
Colors: Red, Gold
Mascot: Sourdough Sam (a big headed character that looks like Yosemite Sam from looney tunes)
Team City: San Francisco, California
Abbreviated Name: SF
Standout Stat: The 49ers record on the season is 13 wins and 4 losses and are seeded as the number five team in the NFC.
Most Important Players
In terms of the most important players in the NFC match up, quarterbacks still reign supreme. Russell Wilson is the quarterback for the Seahawks and Colin Kaepernick is the quarterback for the 49ers. Here’s a few ways to identify them and things you should know.
Russell Wilson
Team: The Seahawks
Jersey No.: 3
What Position He Is: Quarterback
What That Means: Russell Wilson is one the NFL’s new stars. He’s helped turn the Seahawks into one the best teams in the NFL.
Standout Stat: Even though he’s only 25, the young quarterback has been to the pro bowl twice and won rookie of the year in 2012.
Most Important Players
Colin Kaepernick
Team: The 49ers
Jersey No.: 7
What Position He Is: Quarterback
What That Means: Of all the remaining quarterbacks, Kaepernick is known as the most outlandish. Like Wilson, he’s a part of the NFL’s new wave of quarterbacks that are quick, strong and charismatic enough to take over fledgling franchises.
Standout Stat: Even though this is only his third season in the league, Kaepernick has already been to the Super Bowl. In fact, you might remember him because he was on the team that lost last year in the Super Bowl (the same one when Beyonce performed at halftime) tto the Baltimore Ravens 34-31.
How To Read The Field
Now you know the players to look out for, but there’s another problem: what’s with all the lines and numbers on the field?
First Downs and Yards
I’m sure you understand when a team scores a touchdown, but there’s a reason why a) it’s worth six points when they do and b) it normally doesn’t happen that often. TD’s are hard to come by and there are several attempts at scoring that require small victories. Kind of like when you mastered downward facing dog in yoga class and then hit that downward split like a G. It’s all about the baby steps.
The field is measured by increments of 10 yards. When a team has the ball on offense, they have four attempts (or downs) to move the ball ten yards down the field (or more) to keep possession of the ball. If they’re able to do this, they get a whole new set of downs (four more attempts). This continues until they either score a touchdown or a field goal (that’s when they kick the ball through the two poles). If they can’t gain ten yards, they have to give the ball back.
Usually on 4th Down, teams will kick the ball down the field to other team so that their opponent has a longer way to go to try to score. This action is called punting.
Wifey Be Like… Which Clock Do I Look At?
Football games are divided into four 15-minute quarters. The game clock counts down from 15 and resets after each quarter. Keep in mind that it stops a lot, like during time outs, when a person with the ball goes out of bounds or the two-minute warning (this is basically a reminder to both teams that there’s only two minutes left in the half).
There’s also a timer called the play clock. Remember when we went over downs? Well before the snap (that’s when the big guy in front of the quarterback tosses the ball between his legs to the quarterback), teams have 40 seconds to choose a play they want to run. If they don’t get the play off before the 40 seconds are up, they get a penalty.
Standout Stat: This one might be a little tricky, so here’s an easy one. If you’re watching the game with the guys, don’t be afraid to ask which one is the game clock and which one is the play clock. Everyone will be impressed that you even know there’s a difference, so just ask if you’re not sure. Trust me.
Interceptions
Other than the touchdown, interceptions are the most exciting part of football. They’re often unexpected, can change the outcome of a game and shift the momentum from one team to the other. When the quarterback throws the ball and a guy on the other team catches it, that’s an interception. It’s not a good thing for the quarterback, but it is a great thing for the defense. Not only have they stopped the other team from scoring but they also get the ball back and can send a surge of energy to their team’s offense and fans.
Standout Stat: Be aware of which team your man is rooting for. Some of his friends may cheer when this happens, but if the quarterback on your boo’s team threw the interception, the last thing he wants is wifey getting all hype. Don’t catch the side-eye. Make sure you know who to root for.
If you can remember most of these pointers by Sunday, you’ll be in good shape. Keep in mind that asking a few questions is a good thing, as long as you sound like you have an idea of what’s going on. Plus, this is a great way to show you care about what your guy is interested in and then he owes you. Make him watch a whole season of Scandal or something after the Super Bowl. Stay tuned for the Super Bowl guide, where I’ll explain a little bit more so you can keep impressing your man.