The comments Slim Thug made were undoubtably chauvinistic and very dated-straight out of the 1950’s- but unfortunately not surprising in the least. His idealizaton of white women and evidence of an all around “white is right” mentality has been plaguing the African American community for centuries, and even in the age of Obama and achieving the near impossible realization of Dr. King’s dream, we as a racial group still find ways to revert back to the conditioning that was forced into our people’s subconscious through enslavement and colonization.
Now don’t get me wrong…Im not attacking Slim at all. I like him as a person and we have been cool since the days I was dancing for his then girlfriend Letoya Luckett. But one thing I learned about Ms. Letoya, and something I know about myself, we shoot from the hip! Something I’m proud of in this breed of African American women- and African descended women throughout the diaspora- we are empowered, educated, entrepreneurs, and unapologetic for the excellence we demand of ourselves and the partners we choose. But we didn’t just come up with this idea in our generation, in one way or another this head strong, no nonsense, sometimes sassy, tell it like it is attitude has been passed down in the female head of household environments many black women- and men- have been raised in for generations! These same house holds where women are taking on both male and female roles in and outside the home, where mothers are loving their sons and raising their daughters, and where girls are only learning male/female relationship tactics through movies, song lyrics, and a combination of trial and errors: fuck ups-getting fucked over-fuck niggas!
I look at it as survival. Protecting one’s self emotionally and those around them by any means. To really understand the psychology I’d like to site the section of “The Willie Lynch Proclaimation” written in 1712 titled “The Breaking Process of Slave Women” (www.thetalkingdrum.com/wil.html). In this document published for all slave owners, you cant help but to find a connection in character traits today and the practices of breaking up of slave families, breeding of slaves, the physical torture of slave men by masters in front of the slave women, the rape of slave women in front their mate, emasculating the men in the eyes of the women and leaving them to only prepare their daughters for the hard times ahead and discourage any strong willed behavior in their sons for fear of loosing them violently, all described in words written almost 300 years ago.
But I digress. The African-American Women Slim Thug complains of don’t have standards that are too high, nor should they settle for less. While some may need to shift their priorities and what qualities of a man they place value in (we have all been tainted with consumerism and materialistic dreams), many African-American men need to also push themselves to be equally yoked with these women who are hands down dominating numbers in the higher education institutions and competitive job markets. Equally yoked doesn’t mean let’s compare bank statements either. Menatlly, spiritually, men aren’t doing what they ask of women, to “stand by their man more”. Be a MAN in every sense of what that is. Then maybe your woman could find her role as a WOMAN, in every sense of what that is-not just cooking and rubbing her man’s feet. If you never learned how to be a man to your woman, because you were never shown by a real man, you will think being treated like a king is what just automatically is due in you without actually being one.
But not only were Slim Thug’s comments offensive to African-American women, but White women too. No matter what racial background you are from, if you are not playing your role there’s going to be tension. These women aren’t just born and bred to be seen and not heard, to be some ideal trophy of a black man who’s made it and “stuck it to the MAN”, to live up to every freaky fantasy because you heard how they get down. Women across all racially lines want to be respected, want their views and opinions to be heard and want to be loved and valued for the entire person they are. It’s not fair that those things are conditional based on what color your skin is or how good your hair is, but it seems to be that way with many African-American men.
Lastly, out of all the groups of people stereotyped and degraded in Slim’s comments, I take most offense for the successful Black men he says are extinct. Because I have to keep hope and love in my heart to encourage and support these brothers and to find the man who compliments my goals and standards. “They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct”. Really? Are they? Because last time I checked there are quite a few in all fields and professions, from the CEO on Forbes list on to the teacher who changed at least one student’s life . Yes we as Black women would like to have more out there but please don’t disregard those who are there and those who are striving to get there.
To give African American men no responsibility for the issues with Black relationships is like an ostrich sticking his head in the sand, a solider throwing his weapon down and running the other way. Fight for a solution with her, fight to be a better man for her so she has no choice but to be a better woman for you. We all need to work on something, but communicating and loving each other through all our baggage is the way to find real solutions. Where does the blame really belong? The debate can go on for years, and to be all the way 100, it already has.