While Donald Trump’s vagina squirted with glee after Barack Obama released his birth certificate, a bouquet of far more important issues remained in the air. The Celebrity Apprentice host and overall rich douchebag feels that he successfully forced The President to prove that he was born in the U.S. after extensive bickering.
So now that their pointless game is over, I’d like for Donny and that possum wig to turn their attention to a few subjects that are clearly more crucial to our society:
1. The fact that gas prices are higher than pterodactyl coochie. I’m already making plans to open a brothel and raise funds towards a pack mule and a sensible pair of rollerblades.
2. The world is dropping natural disasters and taking lives every other month. By the way, I still haven’t heard a sensible explanation for all those birds that fell out of the sky in January.
3. What is buried deep within Nene Leakes’ new nose and was it born in the United States?
4. Men and women are still overseas fighting some war that most people would agree is senseless, when they should be over doing The Wobble with their loved ones!
5. Cops are running around punching women in IHOP and disturbing the Belgian Waffle rotation. Be concerned with that!
6. School officials are being laid off left and right, while kids turn to WorldStarHipHop.com and MediaTakeOut for knowledge.
7. Will Kat Stacks ever be shipped back to Bermuda, Lake Titicaca, or wherever the hell she’s from?
8. Where is the “Put In A Love Song” video that Alicia Keys and Beyoncé shot like 8 years ago?
9. John McCain was born in The Panama Canal Zone, which used to be an “unorganized US territory”…a.k.a. Stranger Bitch Heights. I’m sure nobody would have asked for his papers though.
10. Who does Trump really think he’s fooling with that Marsupilami ass lacefront?