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Our dear friend, Droopy Drake, is currently shining brighter than the sweat between Kobe Bryant’s eyebrows — I know you see it! His debut album, Thank Me Later, is finally in stores and everyone is waiting to see whether or not all that hype will be lived up to. Well, here is my bag of marbles that should explain why Aubrey Graham is winning!
8. His Eyebrows Were A Trending Topic!
That’s right, #DrakesEyebrows was number one on Twitter’s trending topics list a few weeks ago and still pulls in tons of mentions! Even a few celebrities participated in the tribute to those bushy skid marks on Drake’s face. If that is not a sign of greatness, then I refuse to continue blogging! Twitter fuckery is a crucial ingredient in Kid Fury stew and I have mouths to feed! Follow Drakes Eyebrows today!
7. He Got Denied by Andre 3000 And He Lived!
According to Aubrey, Mister 3000 refused to do a track with him until the Young Money star had further proven himself. I don’t know about you all, but if I was a rapper and Andre 3000 gave me an ATL side-eye, I would probably stick my head in Kat Stacks’ vagina and wait for her mutant coochie crabs to sever my head. However, Drizzy says that he respects Andre’s decision and hopes to work with him in the future. What a trooper!
6. He Looks Like a Limited Edition Beanie Baby!
Don’t act brand new! I know damn well that I’m not the only person who wants to clip a little red “TY” heart on Drake’s ear and put his cartoon-looking ass on EBay! If you have a face that makes me think of the days when winning prizes at Discovery Zone was my life goal, I say you’re a winner!
5. He Got Over Rihanna’s Poison Puss!
Drake recently told The New York Times that The Big Bajan played him for music and lip service and he felt “terrible”. Now he is rumored to be dating Maliah Michel…a model with more ass than Aretha Franklin after her third variety bucket! I’m pretty sure his heart will go on.
4. He Doesn’t Give a Damn About His Album Leaking!
This young man is so confident in his craft that he doesn’t mind his debut album being snatched by the Internet kids. As long as you make it the “soundtrack to you summer” he will be satisfied. Check out the tweet for proof.
3. He is a Shady Queen!
In The Land of Fury, a good supply of shade will lead you straight to glitter and gold! Not only did Drizzy snatch Lil Kim’s wig at that Hot Jam concert, but then he dropped this dark piece of poetry when asked about Kim’s response: “Nicki’s got records climbing the charts and today Thank Me Later is in stores, so it’s just about relevant people today…” Spoken like a true butch queen. Stay out of his hair!
2. He is a Loyal Bottom!
You have to respect Drake’s allegiance to Young Money and their leader, Lil Wayne. The mention of Weezy’s name is enough to get Aubrey’s bussy churning in its own juices — I’m not lying! That dedication to his master should be appreciated and not envied. Someone tell Nivea that she’s a thing of the past and there will always be the memories!
1. The Thank Me Later album is booming!
Drake’s debut only hit shelves two days ago and it is already projected to up to 475,000 copies in the first week. He’s got numerous other artists co-signing him, including T.I., Jay-Z, The Game, and Nicki Minaj. His free concert NYC concert on Tuesday ended up becoming a free riot with canceled performances. The album reviews are looking bright and so is Drake’s future!
It isn’t often that I play nice with these fame divas, but Droopy is a new favorite of mine. Don’t expect me to apply for a stan card and dye my eyebrows anytime soon! I’m just saying, the guy ain’t half bad.