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It seems like all the kids are blazing the streets, Facebook and Twitter with talk of LeBron James and his future in the NBA. Some folks are predicting that he will sign with the New York Knicks, others claim that he’s decided to go with the Miami Heat, some say he will stay with the Cleveland Cavaliers, and Diddy is on Twitter fueling all the gossip…like treacherous queens usually do. It’s mayhem, but I realize that this is buckets of fun for the basketball fans, groupies and that crusty-lipped fellow claiming to be LJ’s daddy!
I just need people to be aware that I, Kid Fury, don’t really give a smothered and covered fuck about many things in our current society — if it does not involve hoodrat adventures, booty bass, or money in my bank account, you’d be lucky to get a side-eye and an imaginary hair flip from me. Therefore, I’m going to need for you lovely sports buffs (especially my local Miami tribe) to stay out of my circumference with the LeBron extravaganza. It makes sense for the 305 children to be hype about the possibilities here, but the Heat won the NBA Finals a few years ago and I actually worked for them at the time — I didn’t give a damn then, so why would I care now? LeBron’s championship ring finger is bare, anyway!
Understand that I’m not against the excitement, but LeBron James can sign a contract with Bikini Bottom for all I care. He’s still gonna be wiping his ass with silk, while millions of others are deleting voicemails from debt collectors. There was an actual altercation that took place at my usual barbershop yesterday all because of a Lebron argument. Is it that serious? Is that Negro feeding your babies and putting minutes on your Virgin Mobile phone? I don’t get it and I don’t want to. Luckily, this will all be over once Lebron announces his decision tonight on ESPN. I hope nobody gets shot.
— Kid Fury
PS: If you don’t watch soccer on the regular, then shut the hell up about the World Cup!