Am I missing something? Sure the narcissistic ramblings of pop-rock guitarist John Mayer, who was under the impression that the world was clamoring to discover his racial preference when it comes to bedding the opposite sex, was more than side-eye worthy. But being informed that the liberal white guy with the “Benetton heart” and a “fucking David Duke cock” is more likely to go for Gwyneth Paltrow than Nicki Minaj is not at all front page material.
However, it’s interesting that the torch and pitchfork brigade are more outraged that Mayer doesn’t share Robert De Niro’s love of the sisters and that he dropped an N-bomb in his misguided attempt to be insightful.What folks really should be shaking their collective heads about is Mayers’ limited idea of what it means to be black. “It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted,” he explains in his pedestrian attempt to dissect the African-American experience. Then Mr. Waiting On The World To Change gets all Precious on us: “[It’s] taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.” At least Mayer is honest about his views of all black folks being tragic underdogs doomed to perpetually struggle. It’s the same one-dimensional view that white (and some black) Academy Awards voters have projected for years (from Denzel to Mo’Nique).
When combined, race and sex amounts to a powder keg of unnecessary distractions. Maybe someday we will all truly get serious about discussing the catastrophic and painful affects of racial politics. Until then, here are a few trivial lines that are sure to keep some people’s eyes off the prize. Shout out to Ms. Amanda “I LOVE CHOCOLATE” Bynes—Keith Murphy
“Some Girls” by The Rolling Stones: “Black girls just want to get fucked all night, I just don’t have that much jam.”
Polow Da Don: “I’m the king of the white girls. My boys would give me junk about it, but [the white girls’] head game is on a different level.”
Khloe Kardashian on black men: “I’m only black guys…Because we have such big asses the black guys like love a big ass.”
Wesley Snipes on Asian women: “I read that Asian women were bedroom generals. Some people think that means they’re great in bed, but that’s not the issue. They’re talking about a place where the man is at his most vulnerable, where they have the most control. They don’t have to beat him over the head to mow the lawn. They can whisper it in his ear and give him a kiss on the cheek and it’s no problem. That’s a general.”
Matthew McConaughey on sisters: “I see it more with black women, who get dressed up and they’re wearing everything to fit snug, and they’re walking the walk. And you’re like, ‘Man, look at you go! Where did you get that? She might be a larger package, but boy, she sure understands how she’s wrapped.”
With all apologies due to Mick Jagger, Keith “Murph” Murphy may not be a man of immense wealth, but he does have taste. For over a decade, the Chicago-born journalist has sparred with brazen hip hop moguls (Jay-Z); Hollywood royalty (Quentin Tarantino); political powerbrokers (Rev. Al Shaprton); redemption-seeking pugilists (Mike Tyson); R&B divas (Mary J. Blige); and lyrically great white hopes (Eminem). His work has appeared in such publications and sites as VIBE, Essence, The Root, and KING, and he is a frequent commentator on CNN, Fox News, VH1, and A&E Biography.