The 20 Lamest Diss Records In Hip-Hop
20. “BMF Freestyle”—Young Jeezy (Rick Ross, 2010)
Okay Jeezy, we get it. Compared to prison guard turned rap drug kingpin Rick Ross, your street connects are indeed legit. Still, this needless exercise for attention only shined light on the fact that the Snowman’s most recent output has been routinely overshadowed by Ricky Rozay’s grandiose, cinematic statements. Bawwwse!
Lamest Disses - Young Jeezy
Lamest Disses - Jay-Z
19. “Super Ugly”—Jay-Z (Nas, 2001)
Even bonafied legends can get thrown off their game. Nas’ “Ether,” an epic retort to Jay-Z’s cocksure “Take Over,” shook up the seemingly unflappable MC so bad that Jigga resorted to some Emo-mud slinging. Among the seething barbs, Jay claimed he slept with the mother of Mr. Jones’ daughter Destiny and “left condoms in the baby seat.” The aftermath? Widespread stinging rebukes from hip-hop fans and more significantly Jay’s own mom, who took exception to the haphazard track. Mr. Carter took the L.
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Lamest Disses - Tim Dog
18. “Fuck Compton”—Tim Dog (N.W.A.,1991)
Yes, it’s a frequent favorite in many “greatest rap diss songs” discussions. So our beef is not with the sneering East Coast spirit of this brazen and at times drop dead funny assault on West Coast gangsta rap behemoths N.W.A. It’s the fact that Tim Dog was all proverbial swag and little else. Sounds familiar?
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Lamest Disses - LL Cool J
17. “The Ripper Strikes Back”—LL Cool J (Canibus, 1998)
If there were a more prolific diss master than LL Cool J, their name would be KRS-One. Unfortunately, after a string of landmark battle rap triumphs against the likes of Kool Moe Dee (“Jack The Ripper”); Ice T, MC Hammer, Moe Dee (again!!!) (“To The Break of Dawn”); and Canibus (“4,3,2,1”), the latter young lion called the hip-hop vet’s bluff on the shocking “2nd Round K.O.” All LL could do was muster up a supremely average “The Ripper Strikes Back” as a response. Weak sauce from the man who literally built Def Jam.
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Lamest Disses - The Real Roxanne
16. “The Real Roxanne” (The Real Roxanne, 1985)
So let’s get this straight. UTFO is obliterated by ruthless 14-year-old female antagonist Roxanne Shante on “Roxanne’s Revenge” following their game changing debut single “Roxanne, Roxanne,” and then recruits modelesque MC The Real Roxanne who drops an answer record of the same name. Sounds hella confusing, right? However, what wasn’t confusing was how much of a drop off in actual rhyme prowess The Real Roxanne exhibited.
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Lamest Disses - KRS-One
15. “You Don’t Really Want It”—KRS-One (Nelly, 2002)
When you nearly destroy one of hip-hop’s most lauded rhyme cliques the Juice Crew with just one song (1987’s “The Bridge Is Over”), you have the right to be a cocky bastard. But Kris’ seemingly one-sided, short-lived battle with pop rap’s all-around nice guy Nelly painted the respected Blast Master as a bully in the eyes of most hip-hop fans and industry peers.
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Lamest Disses - Jermaine Dupri
14. “JD’s Replay”—Jermaine Dupri (Eminem feat. Dr. Dre and Timbaland, 2001)
Apparently, J.D. took exception to his name being called out on Eminem’s stinging “What You Say.” Maybe it was Dr. Dre labeling the veteran hit-making bantam producer “mini-me.” Maybe it was fellow legendary beatmaker Timbaland imploring Dupri to kiss his ass. Whatever it was, the So So Def music mogul felt compelled to release this little ditty going at his high profile detractors over a myriad of their beats. But we liked it better when Ice Cube called it “Jackin’ For Beats.”
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Lamest Disses - Jacki-O
13. “TKO”—Jacki-O (Foxy Brown)
This track achieves nearly all the hallmarks of a solid diss record: Gut-busting punchlines; fearless competitive moxie; assertive production. Too bad the saucy Miami native’s ear-bleeding, annoying rhyme delivery ruins the whole damn thing.
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Lamest Disses - 50 Cent
12. “Piggy Bank”—50 Cent (Ja Rule, Jadakiss, Fat Joe, Shyne, Kelis, Lil' Kim and Nas, 2005)
Fitty’s hubris was at its zenith on this lumbering, unfocused, lazy track. In the immortal words of Curtis Jackson, maaan, homie.
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Lamest Disses - Luke
11. “Cowards In Compton”—Luke (Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg, 1993)
In the nine-trey, the mighty, mighty Death Row was at the height of its infamous Suge Knight-led powers. Which wasn’t good news for Miami-rap pioneer Uncle Luke, underrated Poison Clan protégé JT Money and hanger-on Clayvoisie who weakly attempted to take out the feared West Coast outfit. Not a good look.
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Lamest Disses - The Game
10. “I’m So Wavy”—The Game (Jay-Z, 2009)
A younger, more excitable Jay-Z would have gone all Charles Bronson on the Compton MC back in his “Takeover” days. Good thing he didn’t take the Game’s bait on this scatterbrain of a diss track with tepid lines like “And with them big ass lips you got my name in your mouth…” Brilliant.
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Lamest Disses - Foxy Brown
9. “Let Em Know”—Foxy Brown feat. M.O.P. (2010)
We have to admit. Listening to Fox Boogie go in on her long time Brooklyn nemesis Lil Kim on her over-the-top cosmetic surgery and puzzling run on Dancing With The Stars was kind of entertaining. That is, ten years ago.
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Lamest Disses - Ja Rule
8. “Loose Change”—Ja Rule (50 Cent, 2003)
After suffering a relentless career beat down of monumental proportions, a severely wounded Ja Rule attempted a desperate knockout blow on this rabid 50 Cent/Eminem diss track that also managed to name check everyone from Dr. Dre to his one-hit wonder vocalist Truth Hurts. But besides it’s lackluster too-little-too-late verbal comebacks, did the former Murder Inc. franchise really have to call Slim Shady’s young daughter Hailie a slut?
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Lamest Disses - Eminem
7. “The Warning”—Eminem (Mariah Carey, 2009)
You have to respect the White Boy’s lyrical gangsta. Unfortunately, Em’s penchant for going at soft targets (N’Sync, Christina Aguilera, Insane Clown Posse, ect…) has never been a good look for someone as genuinely revered as Marshall.
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Lamest Disses - Cam'ron & Jim Jones
6. “Runaway Freestyle”—Cam’ron and Jim Jones (Kanye West, 2010)
Here’s how not to make a hip-hop comeback. Lob a few disparaging raps at the most buzz heavy, non-threatening artist going at it today (Kanye West); do it on a symphonic, new-age, synth-piano number that does not exactly scream antagonistic beef; and resurrect old dust-ups that most music fans could care less about (So Cam and Jimmy are still pissed that ‘Ye sided with Jay-Z over Damon Dash? Boo hoo…). Let’s just say we are not exactly clamoring for that Dip Set reunion.
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Lamest Disses - Shyne
5. “Un-Thinkable Freestyle”—Shyne (50 Cent, 2010)
“I need a couple million, fuck 50 Cent…” And that’s the highlight, folks.
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Lamest Disses - Nick Cannon
4. “I’m A Slick Rick”—Nick Cannon (Eminem, 2010)
Rule no. 1. If you take on the lyrical cadence and voice of one of the greatest MC’s of all time (Slick Rick) on a track fighting for the honor of your superstar pop diva wife, the least you could do is rap with some, um, skill.
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Lamest Disses - Benzino
3. “Die Another Day”—Benzino (Eminem, 2003)
We don’t know what was more ridiculous. Made Man boogeyman and disgraced former part-owner of The Source Ray Benzino fumbling the race card during this insincere Eminem diss or his hilarious Rocky-training montage featured in the song’s at times disturbing homemade video (Oh look, there’s a black man being hung from a tree by…Slim Shady???). It’s enough to make you scream Yo, Adrian!
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Lamest Disses - Gucci Mane
2. “Young Money”—Gucci Mane (Young Jeezy, 2007)
Those remedial mumbles you hear from one Radric Davis are about as exciting as reading from a Taco Bell menu. Oh yeah…Jeezy won.
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Lamest Disses - Vanilla Ice
1. “Eminem Diss”—Vanilla Ice (2008)
Generic, dusty, nu-metal guitar riffs. Dimly lit, idiotic lyrics (“I've been breaking down these barriers in this concubine…"). Insanely exgerrated vocals that sound like they were lifted from Cartoon Network’s Metalocalypse. After experiencing this laughable piece of white-on-white crime, you are left praying on your knees that you can get three minutes and one seconds of your life back from Mr. Ice Ice Baby.
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