The 20 Lamest Diss Records In Hip-Hop

19. “Super Ugly”—Jay-Z (Nas, 2001) Even bonafied legends can get thrown off their game. Nas’ “Ether,” an epic retort to Jay-Z’s cocksure “Take Over,” shook up the seemingly unflappable MC so bad that Jigga resorted to some Emo-mud slinging. Among the seething barbs, Jay claimed he slept with the mother of Mr. Jones’ daughter Destiny and “left condoms in the baby seat.” The aftermath? Widespread stinging rebukes from hip-hop fans and more significantly Jay’s own mom, who took exception to the haphazard track. Mr. Carter took the L. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

17. “The Ripper Strikes Back”—LL Cool J (Canibus, 1998) If there were a more prolific diss master than LL Cool J, their name would be KRS-One. Unfortunately, after a string of landmark battle rap triumphs against the likes of Kool Moe Dee (“Jack The Ripper”); Ice T, MC Hammer, Moe Dee (again!!!) (“To The Break of Dawn”); and Canibus (“4,3,2,1”), the latter young lion called the hip-hop vet’s bluff on the shocking “2nd Round K.O.” All LL could do was muster up a supremely average “The Ripper Strikes Back” as a response. Weak sauce from the man who literally built Def Jam. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

16. “The Real Roxanne” (The Real Roxanne, 1985) So let’s get this straight. UTFO is obliterated by ruthless 14-year-old female antagonist Roxanne Shante on “Roxanne’s Revenge” following their game changing debut single “Roxanne, Roxanne,” and then recruits modelesque MC The Real Roxanne who drops an answer record of the same name. Sounds hella confusing, right? However, what wasn’t confusing was how much of a drop off in actual rhyme prowess The Real Roxanne exhibited. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

14. “JD’s Replay”—Jermaine Dupri (Eminem feat. Dr. Dre and Timbaland, 2001) Apparently, J.D. took exception to his name being called out on Eminem’s stinging “What You Say.” Maybe it was Dr. Dre labeling the veteran hit-making bantam producer “mini-me.” Maybe it was fellow legendary beatmaker Timbaland imploring Dupri to kiss his ass. Whatever it was, the So So Def music mogul felt compelled to release this little ditty going at his high profile detractors over a myriad of their beats. But we liked it better when Ice Cube called it “Jackin’ For Beats.” [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

13. “TKO”—Jacki-O (Foxy Brown) This track achieves nearly all the hallmarks of a solid diss record: Gut-busting punchlines; fearless competitive moxie; assertive production. Too bad the saucy Miami native’s ear-bleeding, annoying rhyme delivery ruins the whole damn thing. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

11. “Cowards In Compton”—Luke (Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg, 1993) In the nine-trey, the mighty, mighty Death Row was at the height of its infamous Suge Knight-led powers. Which wasn’t good news for Miami-rap pioneer Uncle Luke, underrated Poison Clan protégé JT Money and hanger-on Clayvoisie who weakly attempted to take out the feared West Coast outfit. Not a good look. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

10. “I’m So Wavy”—The Game (Jay-Z, 2009) A younger, more excitable Jay-Z would have gone all Charles Bronson on the Compton MC back in his “Takeover” days. Good thing he didn’t take the Game’s bait on this scatterbrain of a diss track with tepid lines like “And with them big ass lips you got my name in your mouth…” Brilliant. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

8. “Loose Change”—Ja Rule (50 Cent, 2003) After suffering a relentless career beat down of monumental proportions, a severely wounded Ja Rule attempted a desperate knockout blow on this rabid 50 Cent/Eminem diss track that also managed to name check everyone from Dr. Dre to his one-hit wonder vocalist Truth Hurts. But besides it’s lackluster too-little-too-late verbal comebacks, did the former Murder Inc. franchise really have to call Slim Shady’s young daughter Hailie a slut? [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

7. “The Warning”—Eminem (Mariah Carey, 2009) You have to respect the White Boy’s lyrical gangsta. Unfortunately, Em’s penchant for going at soft targets (N’Sync, Christina Aguilera, Insane Clown Posse, ect…) has never been a good look for someone as genuinely revered as Marshall. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

5. “Un-Thinkable Freestyle”—Shyne (50 Cent, 2010) “I need a couple million, fuck 50 Cent…” And that’s the highlight, folks. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

2. “Young Money”—Gucci Mane (Young Jeezy, 2007) Those remedial mumbles you hear from one Radric Davis are about as exciting as reading from a Taco Bell menu. Oh yeah…Jeezy won. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]

1. “Eminem Diss”—Vanilla Ice (2008) Generic, dusty, nu-metal guitar riffs. Dimly lit, idiotic lyrics (“I've been breaking down these barriers in this concubine…"). Insanely exgerrated vocals that sound like they were lifted from Cartoon Network’s Metalocalypse. After experiencing this laughable piece of white-on-white crime, you are left praying on your knees that you can get three minutes and one seconds of your life back from Mr. Ice Ice Baby. [videoembed size="full_width" alignment="center"][/videoembed]