T.I. (POST KING)
To say that T.I.’s recent output from his stalled King Uncaged album and random guest spots have been listless is an understatement (his verse on Chris Brown’s all-star remix for “Deuces” may be its most forgettable). But the sobering truth is Clifford hasn’t been his ferocious self since he first gave credence to his rep as the southern Jay-Z.
FOUR SQUARE: Yet another site that feeds into people’s narcissistic desires to believe that individuals (other than stalkers, burglars and mothers) actually care about your latest whereabouts. Word to Twitter.
Yeah, munching on Fried Twinkies, KFC Double Down heart-stoppers and triple chocolate yoohoo cakes will leave you stiffer than Jimmy Hoffa. But eating twigs, leaves and yogurt will have you crying for your mom’s banging mac and cheese. Damn you Dr. Oz!
Alicia Keys = One Of The G.O.A.T.’S
We’re not suggesting that the multi-platinum singer-songwriter-musician is a hack. We’re just saying that VH1 naming Swizz Beatz’ better-half to its recent 100 Greatest Artists of All-Time list was highly suspect.
2PAC'S ALL EYEZ ON ME:
The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory (Makaveli) supremely kicks Pac’s highest selling album’s ass. Real talk.
Pretty Boy has boldly compared himself to Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. We’ll settle for the mouthy pugilist finally stepping in the ring with Manny Pacquiao.
No one could ever take away the feel-good story that was Precious’ Oscar-winning force-of-nature Monique. However, with limited acting range and an annoying BET scream-fest of a talk show, one hopes that she doesn’t give up her lucrative gig as a stand-up comedian.
Being married to one of the most gifted Latin vocalist apparently hasn’t rubbed off on the perennially gorgeous JLo. Just imagine those poor kids on American Idol listening to advice on pitch control from a lagging star who would likely lose a sing-off to vocally challenged former AI judge Paula Abdul.
SHAQUILLE O'NEAL'S NICKNAMES:
Shaq-Fu; Shaq Diesel; The Big Shaqtus; The Big Aristotle; Wilt Chamberneezy; The Big Shamrock…At this point, Shaquille O'Neal has more AKAs than Howard University. For the love of God, make it Shaq-Stop.
THE BACKLASH AGAINST SNITCHING:
No…for real. We’re telling.
It’s clear that Drizzy loves the ladies. But would it kill him once in a while to channel the same nasty, take-no-prisoners MC on “Up All Night”?
Certainly a huge step up health-wise over Taco Bell, Chipotle seems to be America’s latest Mexican fast food fixation. But the superior level of ingredients often times take priority over flavor. Bland seasoning and little variety will leave you craving the greasy goodness of the Chalupa.
KANYE'S AIR YEEZYS:
Sure, Kanye West’s is one of the most stylish figures in hip-hop, and his first venture into footwear was a commercial coup. Yet, the actual product of his genius literally seemed a few light years ahead of its time, resembling sneakers that may have been used in the original Star Wars. Ye’s Air Yeezy collaboration with Nike looked better suited for stuntin’ on Mars rather than on Earth.
Sex appeal can jumpstart almost any actresses’ Tinsel Town career. And the stunning Megan Fox is no exception. However, being suited with talents that go no further then playing the “pretty faced brunette” may be the source for her continued struggles to carry her own film
JAY-Z'S REASONABLE DOUBT:
This is the power of Shawn Carter: No one beyond the Tri-State area believed that his very solid 1996 debut was a classic until Jay proclaimed so.
Just because director James Cameron spent what seemed like Sweden’s gross national product on his 3D breakthrough, that doesn’t change the fact that the good aliens vs. bad humans storyline was absurd. Hopefully, Mr. Titanic will drop more ends on a better script for the Smurfs-on-steroids sequel.
POSSE CUTS: See: DJ Khaled (#20).
THE NEW DIRTY SOUTH:
The legendary likes of Scarface, UGK, and Outkast spent their whole careers making sure lyricism and substance were also the focal point of southern rap. But as these game-changing artists look for the next generation to carry the torch, the youngins are content with proudly flexing their short-bus swag.
GOOGLE WAVE: There’s a myriad of reasons why the real-time messaging platform, unveiled in May 2009, was unceremoniously shut down this summer. You can start with no one knew what the hell it did.
If America’s country sweetheart was simply given her due as a pleasant, non-offensive alternative to the charmless Ke$ha’s of the world, there would be no beef. Instead, Swift is vaulted to serious singer/songwriter status when truthfully she’s just as musically deep as Miley Cyrus
THE-DREAM (THE ARTIST):
As the man who wrote Rihanna’s 2007 Euro-pop masterpiece “Umbrella,” Terius Nash’s pen game is no joke. Too bad we can’t say the same for his one-note crooning, blatant Prince jacks and two left feet.
Thanks to the World Wide Web, everyone from the annoying kid in your algebra class to the guy that cuts your hair thinks he’s an underground hip-hop savior. Shoot a couple of YouTube freestyle videos, email your favorite rap blogger three zillion times a week and you too can become the next Charles Hamilton! But we’re not so sure that’s a good thing
Don't judge a liquor by it's bottle... or cosigners. The pink stinks.
DJ KHALED REMIXES:
First there was "We Takin' Over," feat. Akon, T.I., Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Birdman and Lil Wayne; the "We Takin' Over (Remix)," feat. Akon, T-Pain, R. Kelly, Lil' Kim and Young Jeezy; "I'm So Hood," feat. T-Pain, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross, and Plies; "I'm So Hood (Remix)," feat. T-Pain, Young Jeezy, Ludacris, Busta Rhymes, Big Boi, Lil Wayne, Fat Joe, Birdman and Rick Ross; and....well, you get the picture.
THE DIPSET REUNION:
Madea's Family Reunion > Dipset Reunion. When relevancy melts into triviality, your guaranteed to lose the makeup game.
Bozo the Clown red hair Rih Rih? Really???
MUSIC VIDEOS IN 2010:
What's the last music video that really blew your away? What's the last music video that made you want to go out and buy an artist's album? What's the last music video that you watched more than once? Exactly. At this point, Mike Tyson doing the running man in a Bobby Brown parody clip is a more entertaining look.
BRETT FARVE'S LATEST COMEBACK: In between holding the Minnesota Vikings hostage with his decision to return (yet again!) and allegedly sending a former New York Jets hostess photos of his, um, junk, the ageless gunslinger’s latest revisit has been anything but Hollywood script-worthy. In the incredulous words of Chris Carter…Come on, man!
BOTTLED WATER: According to the Environmental Research Letters, it takes an estimated equivalent of 32 to 54 million barrels of oil to generate the same energy to produce the amount of bottled water gulped down in the US in 2007. Yet another reason to go green.
The far-right leaning cable news behemoth routinely trounces CNN and MSNBC into submission. It also employs a roster of race and class-baiting talking heads that attract an average demographic of 65-years-olds. God bless America.
Did we really need to know that you were taking that pottery class in Brooklyn?
THE MIAMI HEAT:
The NBA-title-or-bust hype surrounding the three-headed franchise monster that is Dwyane Wade, Chris Bosh and Lebron James is believable. That is if you are constructing a trumped up dream team on NBA 2K
TOUCHSCREEN PHONES: Oh, look! It’s the latest high-tech phone that reduces grownups to kids enamored by a shiny new toy. But after spending 30 minutes typing a four-word text message because your fingers continually hit the wrong buttons, you realize it looked cooler in the commercial.
With opinions being like assholes (let’s toast to those that act like them; no Kanye), anyone with a high-speed, wireless router can blab away on why Nicki Minaj’s current star-turn is as legit as Beyonce’s front lace weave. Indeed, in this look-at-me blogging age, who really cares what you think?
LIL WAYNE'S JAIL TIME: We want Weezy safely released from the joint and into a recording studio like the next rabid hip-hop fan. However, let’s refrain from elevating dude to Nelson Mandela status.
LINDSAY LOHAN'S DRUG PROBLEM:
A spoiled, troubled Hollywood wash-up working on yet another stay in rehab? Stop us if you heard this story before.
TEA PARTY POWER:
The only thing serious runs by political candidates who admit to practicing witchcraft (Christine O’Donnell), threaten reporters (Carl Paladino) and backs out of debates (Sharon Angle) prove is that a high unemployment rate and a black President will push some angry voters into insanity.
Apple's much-ballyhooed tablet computer has the distinct ability of doing everything...and nothing at all. Sure, you can use it to check your stocks, keep tabs on your fantasy football team and scroll through your entire iTunes library with a flick of your finger. But, couldn't you already do that with your MacBook?
LEBRON JAMES HATE:
Okay, we get it. Lebron was an ass for turning his free agency to the Miami Heat into a self-aggrandizing, prime time TV spectacle. But can we stop equating the walking triple double superstar’s much-discussed South Beach move to the prototypical creepy dude on To Catch A Predator?
THE JERSEY SHORE PHENOMENON: Snookie gets a Presidential shout-out on The View (more on the Tang-dipped anomaly ahead), Mike “The Situation” is on ABC’s omnipresent Dancing With The Stars and spiky haired DJ Pauly D scores his own reality show. And we ask ourselves what did we ever do to deserve such a torturous existence?
None of the children of Superhead have been as brazenly shameless as groupie hit-girl Kat Stacks. So far, her impressive body count of victims includes the Young Money crew, Bow Wow, Fabolous, and Soulja Boy. Maybe exposing the wack sexual prowess or drug habits of your favorite rapper is in some way turning the tables on a male-dominated rhyme industry. Then again, filming an x-rated clip of your nether regions does not exactly scream feminism.
THE BEATLES SGT. PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND:
The landmark 1967 release has long been the no. 1 go-to pick for critics on seemingly every greatest albums poll. But besides the fact that the Beatles’ Revolver is artistically superior, it would be a welcome surprise if music aficionados could grow a pair and crown a record that wasn’t released before Drake was born.
REALITY TV "STARS":
When done right, reality television can be an entertaining exercise in human drama. Too bad the realization that talentless characters like Snooki (not her again!) and Real Housewives of Atlanta’s Nene receive hefty paychecks to act a’ fool sets in, making you regret those student loans.
SCARFACE (THE MOVIE):
Sure, the 1983 cocaine gangsta flick has been referenced by everyone from Nas to Rick Ross. The problem? Hip-hop’s unwavering obsession with Tony Montana has vaulted an otherwise above average, overacted film to Godfather status. Blasphemy.