Happy Friday the 13th! Meet the 13 Unluckiest Artists in Hip-Hop Today
The Artist: Gucci Mane
How We Know He's Unlucky: Every time we turn around, this guy's in jail. For what? We can't even keep track anymore! He must have bad luck, because there's really no other way that someone could get arrested as many times as he has without there being some sort of cosmic karma working against him.
How He Can Change His Luck: Um, stay home? Seriously. Short of staying in bed all day and having no contact with the outside world, we have no idea how Gooch can avoid running into more bad luck in the future. Even when things go right for him, he ends up with ice cream cones tattooed on his face! Argh. Good luck, man. You clearly need it.
Unlucky Rapper 1
Unlucky Rapper 2
The Artist: DMX
How We Know He's Unlucky: Anytime we hear his name, it's because he's run into some type of trouble. And we hear his name way too often. Think about it: When's the last time you heard that he was—oh, we don't know—recording a new song or donating money to a charity? But we bet you know exactly where you were when he got arrested last...for the 5,386th time!
How He Can Change His Luck: Do something other than get arrested and give us something to talk about. Joining Twitter was a start. At least we can laugh at all his foolish tweets. But now we hear he's gonna appear on VH1's Relationship Rehab? Oh boy. We smell a lot more bad publicity in Dark Man X's future.
Unlucky Rapper 3
The Artist: Foxy Brown
How We Know She's Unlucky: She hasn't released a proper solo album in...ten whole years! Yet, we still hear about Foxy all the time. And the only reason we do is because she continues to get herself into legal trouble for doing stupid, stupid things with her life.
How She Can Change Her Luck: Here's a novel idea: Release some music! And not some BS mixtape, either. We want to hear something that sounds like you actually tried. If you can do that, then maybe (just maybe!) your luck will change up. Hey, it's worth a shot, right?
Unlucky Rapper 4
The Artist: Charles Hamilton
How We Know He's Unlucky: Wasn't this guy supposed to be like the next big thing? Now, his career can best be summed up by a long series of fails. We can't remember any of the 9,000 songs dude released, but we do remember him getting snuffed in the face by a girl!
How He Can Change His Luck: Hmmm...We'll let you know when we come up with a good answer for Charles. NEEEEEEEXT!
Unlucky Rapper 5
The Artist: Young Buck
How We Know He's Unlucky: Wasn't this guy running around with G-Unit, throwing his spinner chain into the crowd at shows, and just generally acting a fool while making thousands and thousands of dollars every year? Now, he owes the IRS a ton of dough and he's bankrupt. That man has to have bad luck on his side.
How He Can Change His Luck: Hire an accountant. A good one. The IRS doesn't play, Buck. And you're unfortunately finding that out the hard way right now.
Unlucky Rapper 6
The Artist: Lil Boosie
How We Know He's Unlucky: Boosie's career was pretty much already over when he got sent to jail on a murder charge. But now it's really over thanks to a drug possession charge he caught while he was in jail. What a freakin' disaster.
How He Can Change His Luck: Make the most out of a horrible situation. And stop doing, possessing, and trying to acquire any sort of drugs. We sincerely hope you can do that, man.
Unlucky Rapper 7
The Artist: Beanie Sigel
How We Know He's Unlucky: Once upon a time, Beans was Jay-Z's right-hand man. But now that he's bit the hand that fed him one too many times, Jay's stopped returning his calls indefinitely.
How He Can Change His Luck: Hope that the birth of Blue Ivy Carter softens Hov a little bit. Otherwise, we get the feeling Beans and all of his untapped potential might be a wrap.
Unlucky Rapper 8
The Artist: Cassidy
How We Know He's Unlucky: From the murder charge he caught in 2005 to the serious car accident that he was involved in back in 2006, the Philly MC has had trouble keeping his career afloat since releasing his 2005 sophomore album, I'm a Hustla.
How He Can Change His Luck: Stop running with Carmelo Anthony's label and find a new home. We've got nothing but love for Melo on the court, but if Cass thinks he's really gonna relaunch his career on his label, well, then he deserves all the bad luck he continues to run into time and time again.
Unlucky Rapper 9
The Artist: Papoose
How We Know He's Unlucky: Didn't this guy used to call himself "The $1.5 Million Man"? Now, he gets laughed at on Twitter when he even suggests that he's the King of New York. And, not for nothing, is he ever going to release his debut album? LOL. His situation has become laughable at this point.
How He Can Change His Luck: Quit rapping. Find another way to be successful. Or, humble yourself and retry the rap thing. You're not the hottest dude on the block anymore, Pap. Accept that, go back and get your ish together, and try again. Or, like we said, find a new hustle. You've had some of the worst luck of all.
Unlucky Rapper 10
The Artist: Remy Ma
How We Know She's Unlucky: She's still sitting behind bars—her appeal on a murder conviction was denied last year—she's married to one of the most unlucky rappers on the planet, and we can already predict that when she finally gets out of jail, she's gonna try and go at Nicki Minaj and we're all going to collectively Kanye shrug right in her direction.
How She Can Change Her Luck: Find a new hobby in jail. And when you come out in 2015 or 2016 (depending on your future parole hearings), make sure you have a plan for your life outside of just "going back to rap." Trust us: There's a pretty good chance you're gonna need it. Oh, and try and convince Papoose to do the same, too, mmkay?
Unlucky Rapper 11
The Artist: Lupe Fiasco
How We Know He's Unlucky: This guy just can't catch a break when it comes to finding common ground with his record label. It sounds like his next album, Food & Liquor 2, will run into all the same delays that his last album, Lasers, did. Hooray.
How He Can Change His Luck: Short of finding a new label? You've got us! Let's just hope that the next time Lupe's fans fight so hard to get his label to release a project, he makes it worth their while. SMH.
Unlucky Rapper 12
The Artist: Shyne
How We Know He's Unlucky: Everyone wants to sign Shyne...and no one wants to sign Shyne. All we hear are reports indicating that different labels are interested in inking him to a deal (wasn't he, like, thisclose to signing with Cash Money last year?!). But your man was released from prison back in 2009 and still doesn't have a deal.
How He Can Change His Luck: We're pretty sure he's done everything to change his luck. He moved to Jerusalem, he changed his name to Moses Levi to reflect his new faith as an Orthodox Jew, and he reportedly spends a lot of time learning the Torah. So, keep praying, Shyne. It sounds like that's about all you can do at this point.
Unlucky Rapper 13
The Artist: Soulja Boy
How We Know He's Unlucky: Six months ago, we thought SB was ballin'. He was just turning 21, had apparently bought a private jet, and was well on his way to enjoying his first year of popping bottles in the club. Then, the jet story turned out to be fake. He got evicted from one of his homes in Atlanta. And it was clear that adulthood had punched Soulja squarely in the face.
How He Can Change His Luck: Record another "Crank That" or "Turn My Swag On." It's been a sec since we've heard a big single from you and, uh, you could really use one right now. Otherwise, we don't see your luck changing anytime soon.
