RapGenius x VIBE Present: 10 Dopest Lines From Action Bronson's 'Rare Chandeliers'
November 19, 2012 - 9:03 pm
10. "The Symbol"
“Whether young or older, motherfucker's been a musket holder/
Just sprinkle cheese on top of me and let it get crusted over” —Action Bronson
Calling on his Revolutionary War flow, Bronson is never seen without his piece. Sporting a massive, musket-like handgun, Action has spent his life behind the trigger. Again diving into his real passion, food, Bronson is so hot that he would cook a layer of cheese sprinkled over him. Like a pizza in the oven, Action Bronson is almost at his peak, ready to have money (or knowing him, actual cheese) flow into his life.
9. "Mike Vick"
"My bitch thick like John Lovitz/
Pure version blooded blonds with the guard covers” —Action Bronson
Sometimes it takes a name and a face to get exactly what someone is talking about. While “Mike Vick” does not hold back on its namesake, the real humor comes in the seemingly random lines that follow. Here, Bronson likes his women less on the skinny side, instead preferring ones who have the sensual look of everyone's favorite annoying 90s actor. While other rappers can keep their unnatural, dangerously thin women, Bronson will be in the kitchen, hanging out with “pure-blooded” blondes who share his love for food.
8. "Demolition Man"
“Only green M&Ms placed in my dressing room/
Pineapple juice, roast turkey” —Action Bronson
Bronson's jokes often go from references to specific events to tagents on his favorite things. “Demolition Man” is no exception, another action-based story that fades into nonsense. Van Halen infamously demanded that every dressing room contain a bowl of only then hand-sorted green M&Ms, the ultimate mark of a band making it. Bronson feels himself to be in the same position, but before he can demand it, he starts thinking of food again. By the end, Action builds a feast and the joke blows up, finishing in a calorie-induced, one and half line haze.
7. "Mike Vick"
“Tandoori half-moons in my haircut
Serving work to Danny Tanner” —Action Bronson
The chef pops out again to compare himself to the distinctly shaped Tandoori ovens popular in Indian cooking. Bronson's shaved head and massive red beard match the plain beige top and fiery bottom of the oven, actually a close comparison. His gentle image, at least to the random customer, means that he can score “work” with more discerning clients. With a talent for both serving food and drugs, Bronson is able to sell even to the nicest guy in TV, Full House's Danny Tanner. Bob Saget's real life brashness makes this even better: Bronson could actually be Sagat's personal chef and dealer.
6. "Eggs on the Third Floor"
“Just tell that bitch I need a scrubbin'/
And don't forget the chicken in the oven/
Never burn a dinner, spend cake on cheese” —Action Bronson
Forgetting that Bronson used to be a chef is a dangerous thing: most of his rhymes are food double entendres. Bronson likes his women to wait on him, giving him baths, drugs, and food. Yet, as the chef, he is more likely to be in the kitchen himself. His deals, like his food, never go sour, leaving Action to spend his hard-earned cash on some real cheese. Whether earning dough through rap or throwing it in the oven, Bronson's talent for mixing ingredients shines.
5. "Bitch I Deserve You"
“I made $872 million off of molasses yesterday/
Straight up” —Action Bronson
Bronson is not above nonchalant claims of wealth and luxury, claiming anything from $5,000 worth of drugs per week or a team of women to bathe him. Still, bragging about nearly $1 billion seems a little...grand. The casual flow mixed with Alchemist's increasingly laidback beats make this line golden, a throwaway introduction to Action's lifestyle that again combines food, money, and drugs. You can never really tell if Bronson is selling heroin or literal molasses, but that is all part of the mystique.
4. "Rare Chandeliers"
“Now the chandeliers inside the foyer, feet wrapped in snake/
The rug gotta hibernate, jacket tryna find a mate (sex)” —Action Bronson
Everyone has a fur, leather, or other once-alive piece of clothing. Still, only the richest can afford the more fine skins and furs, leaving most out of reach of the common man. Bronson, however, stays so fresh that his luxury is still alive. While snakeskin shoes wrap around his feet like constrictors, his bearskin rug looks to prepare for winter while his rabbit fur coat does what rabbits do best. To top it all off, he can afford a massive, elegant chandelier in the front of his mansion, in stark contrast to his seemingly common appearance.
3. "Gateway to Wizardry"
“Welcome to the nightmare, blunt's the Delorean/
This shit'll travel lightyears but you gonna end up right here” —Styles P
Back to the Future references always have a place in our hearts – everyone wants to be Marty McFly. Styles P brings up the classic story to describe his particularly strong strain of hash. As you live through the “nightmare” of the high, the drugs take you at 88mph through a new space and time. While you feel like you have entered into a new plane of existence, the end is always right where you started. Though he may seem to push potions like a wizard, Styles' magic is all in having the most potent drugs at the lowest prices.
2. "Sylvester Lundgren"
“Question our God, ask him what do I sin for/
He said I do wrong 'cause Eve is my kinfolk/
Bloodline of a disobedient/
With the heart of a butcher make the coroner ingredients” —Meyham Lauren
Meyham's signature dead-serious tone complements Bronson's more erratic flow perfectly, making “Sylvester Lundgren” a potent beast. Even Meyham is confused by his own ferocity, leaving him to question God about his roots and to find that he is the child of original sin Eve. Left to wander the Earth as a menace, he combines his natural past and cold heart to slaughter foes and beats alike. While Bronson seems content to cook and chill, Lauren's outlook on life is more like that of a coroner; every day is a day of death.
1. "Randy the Musical"
“Kush is by prescription, prolific in the kitchen/
People on my dick because I'm vicious with the diction” —Action Bronson
Summing up Action Bronson is a tricky task: just look at the madness that is the album cover for Rare Chandeliers. Somehow, Bronson manages to do just that in one mad line. His life breaks down into four main groups – drugs, women, food, and rap – each part of the chef's image. Using his medical card to score legal marijuana, the former chef tosses up expert dishes while with the finest women. While girls forget about his cooking talents, they stick with him for his epic flow. Bronson defines himself in two masterful lines, a sign that we can expect more flame-broiled perfection to come.